


Letters To Louis

by ilithiyas



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Betrayal, Bullying, F/M, Fanfiction, Hate, Hurt, Letters, Lies
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-21
Updated: 2016-05-21
Packaged: 2018-06-09 20:49:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 45,269
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6922855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ilithiyas/pseuds/ilithiyas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A letter that is sent to Louis Tomlinson out of anonymity started everything.</p><p>He didn't know how big of a problem the girl behind the paper and ink was going through. He didn't know why he was all of a sudden left by his girlfriend who he thought truly loved him, whom he would do anything for and probably still would. He didn't know that there's another girl playing with his heart, not really wanting him for him. He didn't know what to do with the heart on his sleeve.</p><p>He just wanted to help. And look how badly that ended.</p><p>A letter that is sent to Louis Tomlinson out of anonymity ended everything.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Meet Sadie Darren; a girl going through her first year in college and barely surviving it at all. She's been beat up, bullied and spat at during high school, so why should college be any different? And it isn't. Her only consolation through tough times was the address she found in a classroom she thought was made up.

Meet Louis Tomlinson; a world-wide super star, with tons of fans and people that adore him. He thought his life was perfect, he could do anything he wanted, party the craziest parties, visit the most exotic countries in the world, and he had his best friends to accompany him through it all. Until it came crashing down one day when his girlfriend breaks up with him for another man.

His only relief was the letters that arrived at his house day by day, where he would read them and feel like he wasn't the only one going through tough times. Then comes the day he decides he too needed to be heard.

What Sadie hadn't planned, was for the person on the other side to start replying. Slowly, Sadie loosens up and talks more freely, knowing someone out there was listening. It goes on like this for a while until Sadie accidentally leaves her return address.

What she didn't expect was Louis to appear on her doorstep, all the letters she spilled her heart into bundled up in his arms.


	2. Chapter 2

**[** _h o w  i t  b e g a n_ **]**

**•••**

** S A D I E **

_F L A S H B A C K_

_"What the hell are you_ doing _, Kai?"_

_I stared in muted horror as I watched Kai, my boyfriend and the only person who ever made an effort to ensure my happiness, step up on the table top with his arms spread like some sort of dictator. He faced the cafeteria with a wicked smile on his face as he nodded at the people that smirked back after glancing at me. A wave of shock overcame me when I realized what this was all about._

_I lowered my gaze, embarrassment washing over me as I sat in my seat, incapable of moving. Kai sent another sadistic grin my way before opening his mouth to declare what I've been suspecting all along._

_"Hear ye, hear ye!" Kai snickered, his gaze travelling around the room. "Most of you know that I've been dating wimpy little Sadie here just for kicks for a while now, and I must say; she's really good in bed."_

_My head snapped up with disbelief covering my features and my mouth was left agape. I have never stripped down in front of Kai, much less slept with him! I wanted to scream. But knowing that I would only be mocked and insulted, I kept my mouth shut with a look of indifference on my face. I couldn't let them get to me, not now, not ever._

_Meanwhile, hollers were heard all over the place, louder in some places where Kai's senior friends were situated and lower in some where my ex-friends sat. Looking at them now, I blinked back tears; they warned me about Kai, about what he would do to me, what he planned, but I didn't listen. I was too ecstatic with the way people started treating me the second he and I were seen together. They greeted me nicely, smiled at me, and even offered to help me understand a subject I was struggling with._

_As my ex-friends looked at me with 'I told you so' expressions on their faces, I wanted to hit myself. Why didn't I ever listen? Now look at what happened, I let myself fall and break. Why did I let it happen?_

Isn't that what you've always wanted? To be loved, cared for, admired? Well, wimpy little Sadie, you should know by know that happiness... it comes with a price.

_Happiness comes with a price. And some times, you pay for it with pain._

• • •

As soon as the professor left, I was quickly leaning down to insert my class's books in my bag, hoping to make a quick escape. Then a hand slammed itself down on my desk, jerking me upright, and all hope drained from my being. "Well, well, if it isn't miss fat cow."

How did she even get here so fast? She wasn't even in this class.

Emilie Thanabar, one of the popular girls in my university, was sneering in my face. My books were left forgotten on the the floor as I shifted my gaze from Emilie's intense stare. I glanced at the people that stopped what they were doing to listen in. My ears went warm with embarrassment and I knew my cheeks were on fire too.

"Oh, do you need to use the bathroom?" Emilie twisted her body around, gesturing towards the open space next to her. But I knew well not to move from my spot.

"So you know, so you can _cut_?" Emilie slammed her hand back down on the desk, making me jump a little. Her little gang behind her stifled giggles as they watched me fidget under pressure.

When she said the word, she said it with venom dripping down every letter. But she didn't know. She'll never understand. Emilie didn't know how much I hated myself, how I felt disgusted with myself. How it felt to be pushed around and beaten up at the bottom of the social ladder _in college,_ mind you. It was as pathetic as it gets.

Emilie kicked my books farther away from me and forcefully pulled me up by the wrist, causing me to stubble. Before I could regain my balance, one of her faithful sidekicks stuck their foot out in front of me. I tripped, and before I knew it my knees were aching from being slammed so hard on the ground.

Tears brimmed my eyes as I knelt down on the floor, my palms flat on the ground to hold my weight. My hair hung limply all around me, as if to protect me from everything past it. I breathed hard through my nose, my throat tightened and willed myself not to cry.

 _Don't dry, don't cry, and don't cry._ _Don't let them get to you, Sadie, and_ don't _let them see you cry._ I thought to myself slowly as I kept my head low, facing the ground to avoid their judgmental glares. Distinctly, I heard laughter in all directions.

I screwed my eyes shut and shook my head violently, telling myself that this is all just a bad dream.

_A bad dream that never ends, right?_

Suddenly, the laughter grew louder, slowly, as if coming from the inside of my head. _No, not again. This can't be really happening,_ I thought frantically.

I started to breath heavily as the image in front of me wavered. My eyes then grew heavy with tears. My eyes darted around, looking through my melanin shield at the people that continued to laugh, their laughter echoing in my hollow mind.

I looked up and the people started to laugh harder. "What a crybaby." One boy stated, making a face at me whilst laughing at my misery.

I shakily stood up, forgetting my things and ran out of the classroom then I was running down the hallway. I kept running, attempting to escape the laughter and the teasing. But the louder they got as I ran farther.

"What a lunatic,"

"Move away! Crazy lady on a rampage!"

"She's so pathetic,"

I slapped my hands over my ears, praying that this simple gesture would somewhat, somehow block all the deafening noises from penetrating my senses and to keep them from seeping in to my hollow mind. If people weren't laughing or pointing or teasing, they would either be shooting me weird looks, thinking that I was probably some psycho that managed to escape a mental institution.

For what felt like forever, I finally reached the west wing of the university. The people minimized and ignored me rather than feeding the negativity in my head. Tears were still present on my face and my nose was runny. I frantically looked around for an empty room or something, anything, that will ensure privacy.

I came across a lecture hall that fit the description and, after peeking my head in to check if it was really vacant, walked into it. At first I though it was abandoned, judging from the dusty air and disused blackboard. But then I came upon the teacher's table which was ironically filled to the brim despite the bare room.

With heavy curiosity, I wiped the tears from my face and neared the table. I breathed deeply through my nose in an attempt to calm my heart down, an effect of the run and the nearing panic attack. Quizzes, projects, exams, and essays alike were piled neatly according to type. Some were graded while others were not.

But what really caught my attention around the colorless area was the purple sticky note with something scribbled on it. The sticky note was tacked right on the middle of the desk, the papers surrounding it.

Leaning closer for further inspection, I read that it was purely an address. A wave of confusion overcame me as I took in the situation. I was led towards a seemingly abandoned classroom by nothing but fate, faced a rather occupied desk, and discovered a purple sticky note with nothing but an address on it.

The situation wanted me to burst into tears right then and there.

But I refused to do so, and counted to ten while I held my breath. Different emotions washed over me and the counting certainly didn't help. I sunk to my knees as a sob racked through my body, my hands were shaking as I gripped the sides of my head. So much sadness, so much _pain_ hit me all at once that I felt as though I could write a novel simply based on those feelings.

Suddenly, an idea popped into my head. It was so sudden that I momentarily stopped crying and hiccuped. I ran my hands down my face, through my hair, and rubbed my eyes. Gripping the bottom edge of the blackboard, I pulled myself up and locked my shaking knees into a standing position.

Looking back at the doorway, I sniffed and snatched the sticky note, ripping it from its tack in the process.

The possibility of the address being fake was high, just something the professor came up with on the spot for one of their lectures. Who knows with teachers these days? The feelings inside me that weighted me down, getting heavier and heavier everyday when I distance myself from everybody. My urge to tell someone how I feel, but not trusting anybody enough to spill my heart out. The address laying _right there,_ right when I need it.

My idea continued to unfold itself, and without wasting any time; I snatched an empty piece of paper and wrote down what I wanted to be said, spilling my heart into the paper through the ink of my pen. I wrote until my hand cramped. I folded the letter once I was done, wrote the address I found at the back just so I won't forget, and jammed it into my pocket.

I exited the lecture hall before anyone could notice me doing so. I ran back down towards the east wing where my previous class was, picked up my things with a heavy heart, remembering was had happened not to long ago, and left the building.


	3. Chapter 3

[ _h e r  f i r s t  l e t t e r_ ]

• • •

** L O U I S **

"Louis, mate, d'ya know what tomorrow is?" Harry turned to me, a cheeky smile growing on his face, his dimples clear as day.

"I don't know, um, Thursday?" I raised a suspicious eyebrow at Harry's sudden question.

"Yeah, right." Harry rolled his eyes, grinning crookedly. "Doncaster, lad!"

I let out a light laugh and looked out the window of our moving tour bus, a small smile formed on my face. The past week, I was so pumped up with the fact that I'm going home, after months of nonstop touring. I bugged the boys about it constantly, to the point where they'd just flat out ignore me. I couldn't believe I forgot, a day before arriving.

Tomorrow is the start of the first of the couple months that we'll be staying in Doncaster, the first night for a concert in one of the areas and the next two days will be reserved for some recording for our upcoming album. Before the third day will be another concert in a different location around the neighborhood.

The rest of the days, despite some random recording sessions throughout, will be spent by relaxing and walking around. We already visited the boys' hometowns so I was the last one. It was in the sequence of youngest to eldest so naturally I came last.

I was excited to come back home, to see the girls and mum. To reunite with some old friends, some I probably haven't seen for a year or two, and to catch up with anything my mum might have forgotten to fill me up on. To be away from the hounding paparazzi for a while, to just relax and be me for the time being was sounding exquisite.

"Yeah," I replied, breathing deeply through my nose and exhaling through my mouth. Harry smiled at me once more, winked and checked his vibrating phone, I watched his eyes brighten and the corner of his lips turn up as he unlocked the phone.

Harry quickly and furiously typed in a response with his tongue stick out just a bit. I smiled slightly to myself. At least someone was enjoying himself on this bus. The boys were either sleeping, on the internet or, like what Harry's doing, chatting with their girlfriends.

As much as I was happy to return home, I was saddened instantly at the thought of girlfriends. Me and Eleanor broke up not too long ago and she wouldn't reply to any of my texts, wouldn't give me the slightest chance to ask what happened or to say anything at all; she was stubborn that way.

I truly did miss her; I miss her eyes, her laugh, or most importantly, her smile. Seeing her smile was like me falling in love all over again.

There hasn't been any articles about the issue yet and people are starting to wonder why I haven't mentioned anything concerning Eleanor. But the public would've found out sooner or later, they always do. That's how they work, that's how we celebrities earn our pay.

And now, there it was, staring at me sadistically from where it was slapped down on the coffee table, a gossip magazine - what else would it be? - featuring Eleanor walking hand in hand with a guy that certainly wasn't me. They were enjoying themselves, laughing even, as they were walking down the sidewalk next to a row of shops.

A friend wouldn't look at Eleanor like that, a friend wouldn't squeeze Eleanor's hand to show she's taken - not by me. A simple friend shouldn't have taken Eleanor away from me, but he did.

And the thing is, he wasn't even just a friend. To Eleanor, he was probably more than that. To me, he was the scum at the bottom of my shoe.

It was like saying I wasn't good enough for her. As if I wasn't good enough to even deserve a proper breakup, that I wasn't worth being told what's happening. That I deserved to be kept in the dark, never knowing what the heck is going on.

I remembered crying for weeks, staying locked up in my hotel room or bunk bed, reading cheesy romance novels and always wanting to murder the book - usually the author too - in the end.

I wouldn't come out, I wouldn't let any of the boys in either. I didn't need their pity, I don't need people feeling bad for me. I already lost my heart, and maybe a bit of my manly ego.

Yeah, not what you would've expected from Louis Tomlinson.

All at once, it leaked out that me and El truly had broken up and the mags are saying that she's seeing another guy, a guy I don't even know, I mean, where did he even _come_ from? I don't remember his face anywhere, and if she was seeing him - which she totally is - , I would have noticed that face in all the publicity parties we've held or gone to, but _nada_.

"Hey, Lou?" Niall walked in with his eyes glued to his phone and was tapping furiously with his brows furrowed tightly against one another.

"Yeah?" I broke out of my daze and glanced at Niall before returning my gaze on the suspicious dark brown spot on the creme colored suede couch. I slumped back on the tour bus's couch and looked out the window, watching all the trees go by with some frequent buildings as well.

Niall still sat on the one seated couch across me and was hunched over his phone, tapping way to furiously to be texting. I adjusted myself until I was sitting criss-cross and facing Niall.

"Yeah?" I raised an eyebrow as Niall tapped on his phone one last time before dropping it on his lap, exasperated, and slumping back against the love seat.

"We're opening fan mail today, here, in the bus." He informed, staring back up at the ceiling, his hands folded neatly on his lap, over his phone.

You got that right, _fan mail_. You would've thought that for a band that was slowly climbing the charts and selling out arenas that we didn't do those any more. But if you were a fan that knew where to look, if you were a fan that had the right sources, then I could say truthfully that you'd find our mailing address easy enough.

"Wh-" Niall cut me off, still staring at the ceiling.

" _And_ , I found one that isn't fan mail at all because one: it was sent directly to your home address, which your mum had the courtesy of sending it over here and two: well, there isn't any two. I just thought it sounded cool." Niall smiled a bit before actually meeting my eyes.

"I read the letter, out of curiosity, and it really is important Lou." He tilted his head down and the corner of his mouth lifted a little but it clearly wasn't a happy grin.

"Where is it then?" I asked, unfurling myself and standing up, dusting myself off of any invisible dust.

"It's on your bunk, mate." Niall sighed one last time before picking up his phone and resuming his game once again. I nodded even though he wasn't looking at me anymore, walking past Harry, whom I wasn't sure if he heard and chose to ignore it or didn't hear anything at all, then headed over to the sleeping quarters at the back of the bus.

Zayn was snoring on his bunk in the middle on the left, the drape still open. I shut it for him, knowing it would be humiliating for people to see you snoring and drooling in your sleep. I stood in front of my bunk situated at the very top on the right and opened the drape to reveal a neat white letter laid there on my pillow.

I grabbed it and walked back to the sitting area. I sat on the couch once again and stared at the letter in my hands. Niall looked up from a brief moment before looking back down and Harry did the same but paid no mind to it.

There was a piece of orange construction paper clipped on by a paper clip on the letter and I tilted the it to read the message, instead of taking it apart;

_'Boobear, this is more important than all the other fan mail, as I would say, although I'm sure this isn't fan mail at all in the first place so I think you should read this before anything else._

_-Mum'_

I unclasped that little piece of paper along with the paper clip and laid it on the coffee table in front of me. I tore open the letter and pulled out the other piece of paper, placing the empty envelope on the table as well. I unfolded the letter to find words scribbled on neatly but messily, if that made sense.

_'Dear you, whoever you are,_

_I don't have the slightest idea who you are. I don't even know if this is an actual address. The details of how I got it don't matter probably, but I'll tell you anyways. I found it scribbled on a sticky note in the middle of a seemingly abandoned lecture hall. Why was I in an abandoned lecture hall? You'll see._

_I'm sorry if you start to get annoyed or frustrated about these letters, if you're a real life actual person._ _But I have no one else to talk to. And the monsters in my head are getting louder each day I keep going._

_I get bullied at my university everyday, so that's a start._ _There are those days when I don't want to get up at all and interact with those bastards, but for some reason, I always find the courage to do so, then regret it afterwards._

_Everybody laughs at me, thinking it's funny to see me in pain, I've tried being strong, but it only led me to cutting._

_They all hate me, everybody._

_I've tried finding out why and that's the reason I hate myself at the very moment, every single thing about me is a flaw. I've tried running away from my demons, but you can't really run away from something that's inside your head, can you?_

_Don't answer that._

_As I was saying, people actually enjoy tormenting me, making my life living hell. I've tried getting better, I really did, and now I just snapped._

_I already know I'm pathetic, that I'm stupid, and hideous, and fat, and depressed and everything else, but I mean you don't have to rub it in my face, do you?_

_Again, don't answer that._

_I keep going through the exact same thing every day, as if a broken record. Same old shit, but a different day. If someone opened this and read through it all without skipping to the last part, thank you._

_It means a lot that someone listened. But I know that you probably won't reply, because no one ever does. Especially if it consists of me, don't worry, I'll be fine if you don't write back._

_-S'_

I stared at the piece of paper, re-reading every single detail. From the blot of ink by the 'D' at the start, to the clear sarcasm in the middle, to the delicate curve of the 'S' at the end. I re-read the letter at least three times before Niall snapped me out of my daze.

"Hey, Lou-" I cut Niall off.

"What? What is this? A random person who probably is across the world is writing to my home address. Which they found in a _classroom_? How does that work? What do they think I am? Some kind of guidance counselor?" I threw the letter down on the table and stormed over towards my bunk before climbing in.

I quickly laid down and stubbornly folded my arms on my chest, glaring at the low ceiling. Was it right to judge to poor person so quickly? I mean, they thought it was a fake address, so I couldn't really blame them. They wanted to believe someone was on the other side.

They wanted someone who was willing to listen. The person had guts to write to me not knowing who it could be on the other side. It could be a gang member, a murderer, a thief. But thankfully, I wasn't any of them. Because I decided that I would be whatever the person needed. I was Louis Tomlinson, I deal with pressure everyday.

Maybe I could help lessen their's.

Before I could stand and retrieve the letter, I grew lazy and my eyes drifted shut without my consent, feeling suddenly tired from all these thoughts about home, Eleanor, the letter, and just about everything else.

I felt the curtain being pushed open and a pair of hands place the letter in my right hand before shutting the curtain. I held onto the letter and relaxed, falling asleep as soon as I did so.


	4. Chapter 4

[ _h i s  s i d e  o f   t h e  s t o r y_ ]

• • •

**S A D I E**

I was woken up rudely to the blaring alarm of my alarm clock. I grunted, placing an arm over my eyes to block the sunlight from hitting my eyes since the brightness is all it would take to wake me. With my free hand, I blindly searched for my phone, nearly knocking over a headlamp, and pressed down on the snooze button.

"Miss Sadie, It's time to get up for school." Someone spoke hesitantly by the doorway of my room, which was now open.

With my arms still slung over my eyes, I spoke. "Mia, we already went through this, call me _Sadie_." I smiled and Mia laughed lightly, all traces of hesitance gone.

Mia Ford was the head maid of the house, being the oldest to ever work in our house and the longest. She was beautiful, being forty six, a bit on the chubby side, but that didn't make much of a difference to her tall figure. Her graying brown hair was always tied in a neat ballet bun with a braid circling it and her black eyes shined with a lot of wisdom and a lot of experience that old people usually had, no offence.

She was the best I could ask for. She always placed a tray of cookies and milk on my bedside table every weekend when I wake up, and she always seems to know what time I wake up exactly because they were always fresh too, but she's been here a long time so I guess she knows out of habit and observation. She also places a steamy cup of hot cocoa with a lot of foam around one in the morning when I'm looking for something to snack on before going to bed.

Mia acted as my second mother when my real mother wasn't around and always tucked me in at night despite the fact that I'm already nineteen, not because she wants to or needs to, but for my odd fear of the dark that stuck with me ever since I was a kid.

"Oh, I keep forgetting." She sighs, a hint of a smile in her voice. "Yes, ah, _Sadie_ , do get up." Mia walked over to my bed and shook my shoulder gently. A little bit of her Mexican accent broke through and I smiled slightly upon hearing it.

"But, _Mia_ , I don't want to." I groaned, throwing off my arm off my eye sockets just in time to see Mia part the curtains, letting the light seep through fully.

I abruptly stood on all fours on my bed, arching my back like a cat and hissing like a maniac freed from hell.

"Goodness gracious, Sadie!" Mia gasped, clutching the area over her heart and facing me with one hand still gripping one of the curtains, leaning back out of shock. To anybody else, her reaction would be hilarious, but if you were me and if you knew about her heart condition, you'd be scared out of your wits for her.

"Sorry, sorry." I chuckled nervously, shrugging and falling back into the sheets, ready to fall back asleep.

"Now, go on, mi - _Sadie_ , off to school." Mia tried shooing me away from the warmth of my bed.

"But, I'm _tired_!" I complained, burying my face into my pillow and trying to focus on getting back to sleep.

"No, Sadie, mistress' orders, you have to get up for school." Mia deadpanned, focused on rising me from my well-earned sleep.

Since when was _mistress_  ever around to give orders?

"Oh, alright, I give up." I mumbled into my pillow, then I sat up, rubbing my eyes tiredly.

I saw Mia smile in relief from the corner of my eye as she left, closing the door behind her.

I swing my feet off the side of the bed and ran a hand through my reddish blonde hair. I stood up, grabbing my towel off from my desk chair in the corner and I head over to my own connected bathroom then quickly strip off my clothes.

I quickly showered myself, doing the daily routine before I was getting out and wrapping my towel tightly around my body. I faced the mirror and placed both hands on the edge of the sink while my head faced down, staring at the drain.

My fingers shook as the memories of yesterday flooded back into my mind like a whirlwind. I breathed deeply as I refused to look at myself in the mirror, fearing that I would see the thing that I've always hated the most.

I quickly rubbed my eyes with one hand as I reached out for a toothbrush, my head still ducked down. I gently placed the paste on my toothbrush and lifted it towards my mouth.

I resumed brushing until I felt somewhat clean in the mouth. I gargled water and spit it out before heading back out into my bedroom, with not so much of a glance in the mirror. I walked over to my closet and threw both doors open.

I quickly pulled out blue denim shorts and a plain blue-grey t-shirt. I took out black undergarments and quickly slipped them on before throwing on my clothes. I slipped on black gladiator's sandals before grabbing my brown satchel. I hurriedly brushed my hair, tying in into a messy braid in my haste to get downstairs so I don't anger Mia any more than I should.

I didn't really feel hungry today, so I grabbed an apple out of the fridge and a bottle of water before heading out a door, shouting a "Bye, guys!" over my shoulder.

I gripped the strap of my bag as I walked down the sidewalk towards school. I sighed as I slowly stepped foot on the six acre establishment. I slowly but fiercely braced myself of what's to come. Too late to turn back now.

"Hey, dork. You still a maniac?"

_Same old shit but a different day, right Sadie?_

• • •

Tears freely sled down my cheeks as I unlocked my front door, using my key.

"Sadie! I told you I'd open the door for you!" Mia came into sight as she turned the corner from the kitchen.

I sniffed as I slowly nodded, squeezing my eyes firmly shut.

"Don't tell mom and dad, okay Mia?" I spoke in a raspy voice. I rubbed my nose as the tears just poured.

"Why are you crying, Sadie darling?" Mia was immediately at my side, placing a hand on my shoulder in hopes of comforting me. I cried harder at the thought of what had happened earlier.

"N-nothing, just don't tell my parents." I spoke as I shrugged her off, quickly running off in the direction of my upstairs bedroom.

I closed and locked the door behind me then jumped on my bed, immediately cuddling my pillow. I cried into the pillow, sniffing and letting out little sobs.

"Sadie, honey?" Mia's voice echoed through my bedroom door and I raised my head off my pillow.

"Yeah?" I whispered lowly, I would be sure she wouldn't hear me.

"There's a letter for you, I'll just slip it in under the door." Mia shuffled a bit before I transferred my attention to the letter Mia was currently slipping through the door.

I stood up, still cradling my pillow, wet with tears. I bent down and sat on the floor near the door. I crossed my legs and listened to Mia's soft footsteps getting farther and farther while growing softer and softer.

I finally wiped my cheeks and reached for the white letter. I opened it gently and placed the envelope on the floor, staring at it for a moment. I then unfolded the letter and traced the words with my eyes.

My eyes widened as I read the letter. I didn't expect the person to have replied. I didn't even expect there _was_ a person. My eyes snapped back to the first words and read it slowly, properly indulging in what he has to say.

_'Dear -S_

_I'm sorry for what you had to go through. But I guess 'sorry' wouldn't cut it, will it?_

_After all you've been through, the hardships, the stress, the pain, the words, the bruises and most especially the demons, I guess 'sorry' would be the last thing you would want to hear._

_And I know you think I wouldn't reply, because you probably though the address was a fake one, but know that I am here for you, also know that I am no stranger; I can be comforting and I can provide a good laugh when most needed._

_I know that I cannot visit you, because I don't exactly know where you are. I just sent this letter right back to what is said. Why isn't there a return address by the way?_

_Though I would love to comfort you, don't worry, you're not alone here. I'm going through my own hardships actually._

_People think I'm gay, they 'ship' me with my best mate, Harry. It's sickening and disgusting and ruthless, people don't know how painful it is to be called queer when you're clearly not, especially when they call your girlfriend a 'beard'(ex-girlfriend, but I'll get to that later)._

_Me and Harry hardly bond anymore just to avoid this. He was my best friend, but now we're reduced to strangers by the public. Then my girlfriend recently broke up with me, the only thing I know that can help me make sure she's okay is her other one, her backup boyfriend._

_She said she had enough and she's leaving me, and the next day I see a picture of her and some guy laughing and holding hands._ _The smile on her face is the one she always reserved for me, but I guess things change, no? She used to tell me everything, but from the expressions on their faces, I could tell that she and the guy knew each other for quite sometime._

_So always know that you're not alone in this world, there's always others._ _Others that will listen and just be there for you. And since we're sort of pen pals now, write to me, yeah?_

_-Louis'_

I cried as I read the letter. Tears ran down the apples of my cheeks. I wiped them away hastily and I folded the letter before cradling it to my chest, accompanied by my pillow.

He told me I wasn't alone, he told me I could trust him. He told me he was there for me, that he went through his own problems. But he didn't fully understand me.

My parents never really came home. No one knew who they really were, no one knew that they can make anyone become the next world-wide sensation overnight. No one knew we were the fourth richest couple on earth.

I know it may sound over used, the fact that I'm bullied and that I'm actually really rich and all, but the thing is this isn't fictional, this is real life. I didn't want to abuse my family _connections_  by telling everybody that I was actually Dorothy and Brent Darren's only daughter. At school, people know me as Sadie the fatso, or Sadie the pig. It varies really.

My parents were always out, I almost never see them. The only time I would ever see them is on my birthday, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year's, that's it. For the rest of the year, I just have Mia to be my un-biological mother.

I swallowed back more tears as I re-read the letter. I knew that he knew that he didn't understand me that well. For some reason, despite us being pen-pals and not actually meeting in real life, I knew he was the one I could fully trust.

Everyone would eventually leave, but I had a feeling _Louis_ won't. So, on him not knowing me that well, I've decided to change that. And for another reason, I didn't feel that alone anymore. I finally have someone I could turn to.


	5. Chapter 5

[ _h o w  s h e  f e e l s_ ]

•  •  •

**L O U I S**

"Louis! Dinners ready, love!" My mum called from downstairs.

I was laying uselessly in my bed, staring blankly at the glow-in-the-dark star infused ceiling. I still remember sticking those very stars when I was about seven with super glue.

"Alright mum! I'll be there in a sec!" I called back, resuming to stare at the ceiling in the darkness, not bothering to get up.

I couldn't quite get my mind off '-S' and her letter, she didn't even describe her problems in detail but it was enough to understand what she was going through at the moment. I may not know her that well, or the rest of her problems, but I had read enough to now that's she's going through a pretty rough patch, which is putting it mildly.

I'll be sure that in my reply to her next letter, if she sends me one, I'll ask where's she from and how old she is and maybe throw in some personal questions too, but not too much, I don't want to make her feel pressured because she's already going through a lot at the moment.

"Louis! Don't make me come up there and drag you down! The food's getting cold, boobear." My mom shouted once more after a few minutes of being left alone with my thoughts.

"Alright, alright! I'm coming!" I rolled over to the side until my feet swung over the edge of my bed.

I rubbed a hand to my face and brought it down before picking up the shirt I had thrown on the ground by my feet. I slipped on the shirt and messed up my hair before pulling at the door of my bedroom.

I stomped down the stairs before stopping at the archway of the kitchen, where all my sisters including mum, had gathered and already taken a seat. I was surprised none of the girls came up to greet me or something. But I was silently happy that they did, I had time to myself and I was glad to be in silence for a while.

Mind you, the screams from last night's concert are still ringing in my ears up until now. And I still haven't gotten a letter from '-S' recently, which was bothering me greatly. I desperately want to know what's going on and for some reason, I felt protective of her like the way I feel protective towards my sisters.

"The monster finally awakens, I see." Mum smiled at me as I pulled out a chair at the dining table and sat down.

Mum was seated at the head of the table and I sat on her right, Fizzy and Lottie was also sitting on my right, across from me was Daisy and next to her was Phoebe, leaving the chair across Lottie empty.

"Sorry mum, had a long day yesterday." I gave a tired smile and she smiled back apologetically.

"It was more of a night, boobear." Mum lightly laughed and picked up her fork.

"You better get some food in your system; the girls want to play with you for a bit." She informed before eating.

It was a while before any of us spoke; we were all happy and content that our family was complete for the Christmas break until I had to leave again. But every morning I had to return back to the bus where we would be taken to the studio to record our next album; Midnight Memories.

It wasn't that I was complaining though, I may be a bit tired, but glad not the less. I have a great job and a supporting family, what else could I need more?

 _Eleanor_.

No! Don't think of her, Louis, think about anything but her!

"Uh, mum. I think I'll be heading up, I don't think I feel too good." I lied after I ate, when in reality, all I wanted to do was go upstairs and think things over. Again.

"Oh, alright Lou, but before you go, you have mail waiting for you in the sitting room." Mum and I shared a knowing look and I nodded, standing up and walking towards the sink, plate in hand.

I washed my hands and wiped them at the back of my denim jeans.

I kissed each of the girl's cheeks goodnight, they were unusually quiet, before heading over to the sitting room, where a neat pile of letters were stacked on the floor.

I grabbed for them, throwing the ones that weren't addressed to me back down. When I finished going through the pile, I only had one letter in hand, and I was pretty sure I knew who sent it.

_'-S'._

I quickly arranged the pile to how it was before, before dashing back upstairs and into my room. I locked my door and collapsed on my bed, bouncing.

I set the letter aside as I moved to remove my shirt because of the heat before returning my attention back on the letter. I tore the envelope open, my heart beat accelerating with anticipation on what she possibly wrote.

I was scared and nervous, but, over what?

A simple hand written letter, but this simple hand written letter is important to me and the writer as well.

_'Dear Louis,_

_I'm starting to trust you, I really am, but there's this voice at the back of my head nagging about something along the lines of 'he's not who you think he is,'_

_Tell me, tell me who are you so I can get rid of this monster. Who are you really? Tell me about yourself or I might just start losing my mind._

_Until then I won't tell you anything about me, just for precaution. And I'm sorry, as much as you dread to hear that five-letter word, I'm saying it anyway:_

_I'm sorry about your girlfriend; I don't know what went through her mind when she broke up with you, you seem like a decent guy, you're caring and supportive, what else could she need more in a guy? Of course, they have to be handsome and smart; I bet you're like that too._

_Don't flatter yourself too much, though._

_I'm sorry about your best lad, Harry, I'm sorry about your relationship. For some reason, I feel responsible for all this occurrences._

_And Lou?(can I call you that?) Could you do me a smaaaalll favor and send me a picture of your ex and her back up?_

_Another voice is nagging along with the other one and they're starting to really bother me._

_I thank you in advance if you do accept my little favors, I apologize if I'm bothering you, and I apologize if my apologies are also bothering you._

_I bid my goodbyes, Lou(i'm going to call you that whether you like it or not)._

_-S is for Sadie'_

So she reveals herself, I'm pretty sure it's a girl because Sadie is quite the girly name, not to be sexist. I smile widely when throughout the entire letter, it seems that she had finally let down her guard for me, and only me. And I feel very proud of that, even after just one letter.

I was quick to whisk up a blank piece of paper and a ball pen. I walked over to my desk and sat down, leaning on one elbow as I conjured up a letter fully describing myself, I don't think _Sadie_ would fangirl over the fact that I'm in One Direction at the moment due to what she's going through right now.

Besides, I'm pretty sure she has a different taste in music. Though it's not like I _wouldn't_ mind if she did like our band, it would save a whole lot of explaining. And I mean a _whole_ lot.


	6. Chapter 6

[ _w h o  h e  i s_ ]

•  •  •

** S A D I E **

"Stupid shoe lace," I murmured as I sat down on the side walk, huffing and puffing with my left leg outstretched in front of me. I bent over it, trying to tie the shoelace of my running shoes back up. I was seriously sweating from head to toe and my body kept releasing heat, making me uncomfortable in my clothes as they kept sticking to me with every move I make.

I wiped bead of sweat that was trickling down my forehead and standing up slowly, wiping my ears free of sweat before my plugging ear buds back in my ears.

I got in position and started to resume jogging, Young Volcanoes by Fall Out Boy playing on my iPod. I hummed to the tune as I turned around a corner and face my house, which was at the end of a cul-de-sac on the right side.

I slowly jogged towards it and opened the gates, locking it before jogging down the long road towards the front of my house. Because I took so long, another song started playing and I nodded my head to the beat then started humming.

I jogged to the song of One Direction's She's Not Afraid I think. I don't really know anything about them, even their names. But I have taken a particular liking to their songs, their voices and the messages of their songs helps me go by day after day.

To set things straight, I honestly don't know anything about them but their songs and its lyrics. Sure, I could differentiate one voice from another and tell that another voice is singing in the background but I can never tell _who that person is_ because I don't know. I never really bothered looking them up because I had other priorities.

"Guys! I'm home!" I called throughout the house, hearing different tones of greetings from the maids before closing the front door, bolting it shut and heading upstairs towards my room.

I shut the door and locked it, heading over to the window and closing the curtains before unplugging my earphones and tossing them on the bed. I walked over to my connecting bathroom and connected my iPod to the dock.

My bathroom was large, there was a little pizza shaped Jacuzzi facing the wall on the corner and a water fall looking thing that acted as the shower and as the tap that fills the bathtub. It has a shower curtain that goes exactly along the outside rim of the bathtub, curving to fit around it.

Opposite of the Jacuzzi is the toilet, next to the toilet is the sink and under it is where all my toiletries are located, above that is a little shelf where the dock is currently sitting. The rest of the wall on the other side is empty except for the horizontal picture of lake framed, it nearly took half of the wall.

I made sure that the dock wouldn't fall and cause me to have to buy another one, before turning it on and shuffling the music then stripping off my clothes and jumping in the bathtub - and almost nearly slipping which would lead on to me killing myself.

I held onto I rod I placed on the left exactly for this purpose then balancing myself before I shut the shower curtain and did my thing.

•  •  •

"Did anything come in the mail today?" I wrapped the lavender colored robe around me tighter as I sat on the L shaped couch in the living room with my legs crossed and flicking through Wattpad on my iPad.

"Miss?" One maid asked, holding a dustpan and a broom in her black and white maid attire, full on with the weird frilly headband thing.

I cleared my throat and repeated my question again, shifting my attention from my iPad to the maid. I think her name was Andy.

"Oh, yes, there was some mail that came in today, would you like to see them?" She asked innocently and I nodded, my attention still on the iPad.

She nodded and power-walked towards the corner, disappearing around it. She was gone for a few minutes before she came shuffling back with her hands filled with letters and mail.

"Thank you." I nodded curtly as I reached out for the envelopes as she handed it to me. She replied with a soft 'you're welcome' before disappearing fully around the corner, sweeping and picking up the dust as she went.

I waited until she left to finally flick through the letters, throwing the ones I didn't need on the coffee table.

"No, no, no," I tossed various letters of invitations to balls and parties and commercial letters before I reached a medium rectangular box covered in brown paper.

I curiously gazed at it before finally looking at the little postcard stapled at the corner.

**From: Louis**

**118 Doncaster, Bridgeway street block 23.**

**Sent to: Sadie**

**Location unknown.**

I smiled victoriously as I read my name and my ' _location'_. I had paid the mail industry to blank out my address every time I sent a letter to Louis but always send his to my place all the time with no confusion.

The reason I got to do that easily was because their manager was a close friend of my mom's seeing that she had worked there before she became famous and that his son went to my school. But even with the attachments, I had to be respectful still so I paid, even though Ian said I didn't need to but I had insisted. So now I pay them 8 pounds every week.

We're still on the first week so it's going on easy.

I broke away from my thoughts and set the box aside as I neatly arranged the letters, placing them on the coffee table. Grabbing the box, I dashed up towards my room and locked the door a second time today, gently taking off the box's covering and making sure I didn't rip it, then setting aside on my desk.

I plopped down on the bed and set the package on my lap, opening its flaps giving me access to the inside. Flipping the package, I shook it and watched as various items fell out, but one thing that shined silver caught my eye the most.

A ring.

I dropped the box and reached for it, my hands folding around the cold piece of jewelry. It took form of a snowflake, its branches either embedded in a blue-ish diamond of different sizes or a small silver that connects the branches. The band was a smooth silver, no special embodiment's or anything except for one; a single word that was carved carefully into the inner band of the ring.

_Sadie._

I gasped, one hand covering my mouth as I inspected the ring thoroughly, tears prickling my eyes. This was the most touching gift I could've ever received because one; I never really got any gifts and two; because it was only my parents who ever gave me gifts and it isn't even in person. A whole truck would park outside our house filled with gifts coming from only my parents who were off travelling somewhere in the world.

I knew where my mom is since she was a celebrity before but now she's just a manager of celebrities since she had retired though the paparazzi is still hounding after her. But with my dad, I couldn't be too sure because I never really know where he is because he wouldn't tell me what is damned job is!

I slowly moved the ring to my right ring finger and inserted it, but due to the uncomfortable feeling since I wasn't used to wearing any jewelry, I removed it. I set the ring down and dashed to my desk, shuffling over drawers and papers to find what I was looking for; my necklace.

I found it sitting all alone in the top left drawer in a little make-shift box I made out of cardboard. It was made out of small black stainless steel chains with a simple lock. I walked back to the bed and sat down, grabbing the ring.

Unclasping the necklace, I inserted the ring and moved my hair to the side, reaching back with both end of the necklace in my fingers the moving around until I got it clasped.

I traced the necklace and let it drop until it settled perfectly in the middle of my collarbones. I smiled and held the ring then remembering that this isn't the only thing that came in the box but also Louis' letter.

I looked at the small pile in front of me and saw a simple white envelope laying next to a magazine still in it's case. I ignored the magazine and reached for the envelope. I opened the envelope, pulled out the letter, unfolded it and began to read silently.

_'Dear Sadie,_

_Hello. I honestly don't know where to start, um, let's just flow with this casually yeah? Okay so first off, my full name is Louis William Tomlinson, I'm 20 though I'm turning 21 this Dec. 24. My favorite color is either red or blue, I'm torn between the two. To know what I look like right now, I sent a picture, it's in the box._

_Okay, okay, I couldn't think of anything else to say so I'm just going to skip to the point but are you sitting down? Yes? Good because... I'm in a band._

_No, not in just any band that band practices at their mother's basement, I'm in a famous one. I'm in One Direction! My band mates are Harry Styles(who I had mentioned in one of the previous letters), Liam Payne, Zayn Malik and Niall Horan. If you're a hater, I'm sorry. But if you at least know the band that I'm talking about and don't hate us at all, then great! Look us up love!_

_And since you had wanted me to send you the picture of my ex-girlfriend, Eleanor, and her new 'boyfriend', it's also in the package. But it's a magazine because there aren't any other pictures of them that I know of without having to print._

_Oh, and do you like the ring I gave you? I got a snowflake because, I don't know, it sorta reminded me of you; unnoticeable and beautiful. You have got to send me a picture of you, you promised! Well technically you didn't but you wrote that you would introduce yourself so yeah._

_Please don't hate me because I'm in One Direction._

_Oh, and by the way, just a bit more on who I am: I love staring at the night sky, I like thinking that I could be staring at the same star someone else is staring at, thinking of the same thing. I'm the kind of person that is so curious and loves to wander, but always manages to find himself back home. I adore children because they are just so innocent and, like me, so curious too. I love surfing and skateboarding, because of the adrenaline it gives me._

_So yeah, a little bit about me. How 'bout you, darling?_

_-Louis'_

I stared at the letter dumbfounded. He was in a band? One Direction of all bands? So there was a particular voice in the songs I've been listening to for three years that was the voice of this person I was writing to?

What the hell?

I glanced at the magazine and frowned deeper then reaching for it either way. Louis had said, God every time I think or say that name all I could think about is how famous he is, that his ex and her boyfriend was on the front page. And there it was, just like he said, was a girl with light wavy brown hair holding hands with another guy that's ahead of her with a Starbucks coffee in his hand, just like the girl's, Eleanor.

I stared at the girl and felt jealously burn through me. She was gorgeous, and I'm not. How would Louis ever want to talk to me when I'll send the picture compared to his ex? I looked down on myself and felt bile rise up from my throat, tears beginning to form.

I was fat, I had a budging stomach, chubby thighs and I didn't even have much boobs nor curves! No matter what kind of sport I did or any fitness stuff I tried, I'll never weigh down. What was I compared to that thin as hell model?

I wiped away tears and left my fists resting on the sockets of my eyes as I tried to stop crying. I controlled myself and dropped my hands to my sides before facing the magazine's glossy cover page.

I squinted as I looked at the boy, him looking quite familiar to me. I sighed and took off the plastic of the magazine. I scanned the cover page for the page that would somehow give me a better angle or picture.

**Louis Tomlinson's girlfriend, Eleanor Calder, caught cheating? See pages 36 to 38 for more info!**

I flipped to the designated page and looked for a better picture. I scanned the page and flipped to the next one for any other useful information. One page was covered in the same picture as the cover picture but next to it was an issue with a different picture, this time, Eleanor was looking down to avoid the flashes of the paparazzi's but the guy was still looking straight ahead, looking cocky as ever and I nearly choked as I saw his face.

Low and behold, there stood my cousin, Jacques Erics, holding hands with a drop dead gorgeous model. The reason that Eleanor had cheated on Louis.

The reason that Louis lost the love of his life.


	7. Chapter 7

[ _w h o  s h e  i s_ ]

• • •

**L O U I S**

I stood in front of the floor length mirror, eyeing my outfit and adjusting my beanie. I was simply wearing a dark blue sweater, black skinny jeans and my Vans with my usual beanie.

I was planning to walk around Doncaster, just to embrace my hometown and update myself with the things going on around here. Not only that, but I also wanted to walk around to vent, just to spend some alone time with myself and my thoughts.

I reached for my Raybands, phone and wallet on the desk next to me and stuffing them in my pockets before walking out of my room. It was probably around 7 in the morning, so I doubt that anyone was awake, my siblings were quite lazy on weekends. My mom was a morning person thought, but after her graveyard shift at the hospital last night, I would strongly agree with the fact that she was fast asleep right now.

I tip-toed downstairs and grabbed the house keys sitting on the coffee table in the living room, trying to remain as quiet as possible, before walking over to the front door and opening it cautiously. I sighed as I stepped foot on the porch, the cold December air giving me a sense of familiarity.

It's good to be home.

I shut the front door and made sure to lock it, making my down the porch, out the yard and onto the streets. I ducked my head and tried to act as normal as possible, trying to attract the less attention that I could.

I stuffed my hands in my pockets, looking down and paying a very good attention on my shoes. No matter how many months I'll be away from this place, I'll always manage to find my way towards wherever I wanted to go and right now, I wanted to go to the park and sit on the swings.

Just like old times.

Earlier, I had texted the boys that I would come in a bit late to the studio this morning and they understood completely, knowing that I had wanted to spend a few minutes in the town where I grew up.

Just like I said, I had found myself in the park. There wasn't much people there, just a bunch of young couples, morning joggers and a few early bird families strolling around. I smiled and made my way to the playground area, finding it completely empty, despite the amount of children with their parents.

I plopped down on one of the swings and gently rocked myself back and forth, locking myself in my head to organize my thoughts. One person occupied my mind the most.

Sadie.

She intrigued me. I haven't even met her but I could practically say that she was a nice person with a great personality that she just doesn't have the strength to let out. She doesn't know how to speak up or how to speak for herself. For some reason, I feel as if she puts everything that isn't even that important before her and doesn't think about herself, she's way to modest.

She's a great person begging to be let out.

"Hi," My thoughts were interrupted when a girl with dark blonde hair with a reddish tint and dark blue eyes sat on the swing next to me.

"Oh, hi." I smiled warmly at the girl, who was wearing a gray Nike hoodie, black skinny jeans and Ugg boots. Her hair was down and her bangs kept flying in front of her face, but she paid no mind to it.

And her smile.

Her lips were pulled up into a dazzling toothless smile that showed that she could come up with the perfect comeback in moments but still be respectful and reserved. But I could tell she was holding back, that she was hiding something that she could only know.

But I would always come back to her eyes.

They held secrets that no one else knows about, or even has possibly gone through. They glistened with something, something undetectable. They were quick to hide whatever the girl felt, unless she was willing to show it.

"Having a good time?" She asked, facing forward and looking at the cloudy sky with her eyebrows furrowed. Even then, she was smiling, but you could tell it was clearly forced. She was thinking, and she was thinking hard.

"Loads," I laughed, smiling effortlessly at her and she had smiled back, in the same forced, reserved smile.

"So, are you a tourist from another area in Europe? Or are you a permanent resident here?" She asked again, with her eyes brows furrowed, her hands gripping the metal chains as she lightly swung back and forth, her feet off the ground.

"Why would you ask if I'm a tourist?" I replied, answering her question with another question.

"I don't know, you just look at everything in awe, as if you saw them for a first time or something." She shrugged, looking down at her shoes, which she was scraping against the ground now.

"I'm a mover, but I've been here since I was in diapers, I just always love to come back home once in a while and admire the things that are new, you know?" I smiled, looking up at the sky.

From the corner of my eyes, I could see the girl watching me and I smile a little bigger inwardly. What I said was only a white lie, just bending the truth a slight bit. I mean, she hasn't known or brought up the fact that I look like or am, for that matter, Louis Tomlinson.

So I just wants to embrace the normality of this conversation for a while, before she runs and screams her head off her friends that she talked to _the_ Louis Tomlinson.

"So you love to go around and about, but you always find yourself back home." She laughed lightly, shaking her head. She had muttered something under her breath and I had focused in on what she was mumbling.

"That sounds familiar,"

I shook my head and brushed it off, about to open my mouth to ask her a question but her phone rang, interrupting me.

"Sorry, I have to take this." She apologized, smiling at me sympathetically then standing up and walking away, pressing answer on her phone and holding it against her ear. I sat still on the swing, staring at her retreating figure.

She seemed as if she was arguing with someone and she kept making hands gestures as if the person she was talking to was just in front of her.

And _damn_ , did she look pissed.

When I had finally gathered the courage to call out to her, I was a moment too late for she had turned around the corner and disappeared, without much of a goodbye and a wave.

I sighed sadly, staring at the corner in high hopes that she might come back. I shook my head of my hopeless thoughts but yet still stared at the corner.

"Oh, um, bye!" Her blonde head popped from behind the brick surface, waving at me with a small smile on her face, filling me with slight joy.

I waved back, smiling lightly, hoping that I wasn't doing anything that would've given any mixed signals.

I stood up as her head disappeared once more around the corner, when I remembered it. I haven't even asked for her name! I ran towards that corner again, in hopes that she could still be there.

But when I reached the corner, she was gone. Not a trace of her was left, I sighed sadly and stuffed my hands in my pockets. My mind was occupied by the girl's face, her eyes, her lips, her hair, and the way she smiled.

And for a moment, I had forgotten all about Sadie.

• • •

"Hey guys, sorry I'm late." I smiled at the boys who were all seated on the couch as I entered the studio. They smiled at me as they were all hunched over their desired instruments or places. Niall was playing around with the guitar, Harry was in the booth to the left, Liam was on his phone on the red leather couch next to Niall and Zayn was probably in using the loo.

"No problem," Liam looked up, smiled, and then looked back at his phone. I sighed and reached for my beanie, pulling it off before messing with my hair a bit. I tucked the cap in my back pocket before walking over to the couches, sitting down on Liam's right.

I pulled out my phone and tapped on Twitter. I refreshed my news freed and scrolled through, just trying to pass the time as Harry came out of the booth and Zayn came out of the loo. I fave'd a few tweets and retweeted a few more.

"Hey, Lou." Harry waved at me and slumped down on the love seat that was unoccupied. Zayn smiled at me and nodded before taking a seat next to Harry. Harry then proceeded to close his eyes, his arms folded behind his head and Zayn took out his phone as well.

"Alright, boys. Who's up next?" An intern, Mel, appeared from one of the many doors in the room, with a clipboard in hand and her head ducked, reading it. She looked at us and her shoulders slumped, seeing me, Liam and Zayn on our phones, Harry sleeping and Niall munching on a bag of chips he placed on the coffee table next to a song sheet.

I could tell she was disappointed in us, probably expecting quirkier boys.

"Okay, so how about you, Louis?" Mel smiled at me and I smiled back, standing up and stuffing my phone once again in my pocket. I entered the booth and closed the door, sitting down on the stool and placing the massive headphones on.

We were working on our latest album we were hoping to release by 2013, Midnight Memories and so far we only got one song down; Happily. I was written a short solo so the work would be a bit lighter for me in this song but had a few more hopefully in the other songs.

• • •

In the end, I had to do my solo and a part of the chorus five times because I kept hitting one or two notes wrong. I was sweating despite the air conditioning and the headphones are starting to feel a bit heavy.

"Okay, Louis, your solo one more time." The guy working the sound effects and all said, clicking on the small microphone in order for his voice to enter the booth since it was soundproof and all. I nodded and wiped my brow with the back of my hand, positioning myself near the microphone.

"And if he feels my traces in your hair, I'm sorry _love_ but I don't really care," To me, the _love_ sounded a tad bit off but to Stephen, the guy managing the effects, it sounded great, I guess.

"That sounded great, Louis. The fans would surely swoon over this one." He smiled at me before looking down and doing his things on the board. I nodded and took off the headphones placing them back to where I found them and slipped off the stool, exiting out of the booth, not tripping over any wires this time.

I walked out of the booth and walked over to the little kitchen in the corner, next to the lounge, the door coming in standing in the middle. The bathroom was next to the kitchen, on the left if you're facing the wall and the door that Mel came out of earlier was next to the bathroom door.

I went to the refrigerator and pulled it open, bending down to check for food. I found two boxes of left over pizza and donuts from the night before and a bottle of coke. I ignored the coke, not in the mood for it, and grabbed the pizza and donuts.

I reheated the pizza in the microwave, after placing them in a plate of course, and leaned against the counter as I waited, watching the boys occupy their time texting their girlfriends or playing. The microwave beeped and I pulled it out, placing the pizza's back into their box, closing it and placing the box of donuts on top of it.

As I walked back to the couch, Niall was called for his part. He nodded, stood up and dusted his legs off before heading for the booth. I sighed and slumped back on the couch, dropping the boxes on the coffee table. I resisted the urge to prop my feet on the coffee table, continuously reminding myself that this was not my home, and made a grab for the hot pizza.

I decided to make conversation.

"So guys, how are you?" I asked, taking a bite out of my pizza. Zayn looked at the pizza in my hand, the pizza box, the doughnut box then back at me before reaching over and taking a pizza slice.

"Good," Zayn replied, chewing his piece. I smiled and looked at Liam, who seemed to be so focused on his phone. I leaned back and took a slight peek, seeing a game being played, no girlfriend being talked to.

"Did you know that snails can sleep for three years straight?" Harry's sleepy voice reached me and I turned away from Liam, raising an eyebrow at Harry's random statement. "I wish I was a snail."

And suddenly, we were all indulged into a conversation, moving from snails to convenience store workers to women to periods to sex to booze then to parties.

Half an hour into the conversation, Niall came out and Zayn replaced him and then an hour later Zayn came out and Liam replaced him. By the time Liam came out, it was six at night and we had to do the last piece for the song; the chorus.

I pushed myself off the couch and laid my phone down on the couch and the rest of the boys did the same, before heading over to the booth. The stool for one was brought out and an extra of two more microphones appeared next to the main one.

I took position next to Zayn on my left and adjacent to me was Niall and on his left was Liam which meant Harry was in the middle again. I hummed in substitute to clearing my throat before placing my hand behind my back just as the starting notes of Happily's chorus burst through.

" _I don't care what people say when we're together; you know I wanna be the one to hold you when you sleep. I just want it to be you and I forever, I know you want to leave so come on baby be with me so happily,"_

We had to do it eight times because one of us would hit a note improperly or miss a beat, but it was better than the last time, when we had to do it practically seventeen times because of the same reasons.

So as we finished the chorus, we decided to wrap the song all together in one take, while we were still all in the booth. We changed positions until I was next to Harry, who was still in the middle and Zayn was on Harry's other side while Liam was next to me and Niall was next to Zayn.

And we sang the entire song all in one go.

• • •

"Alright guys, it's late and mum will be cooking." I shrugged on my jacket, crookedly smiling at the boys who were scattered around the sitting room.

They all smiled and nodded, understanding. This was one of the things I liked about the boys, they were always understanding about everything and would always be reasonable.

I wrapped the scarf I brought with me around my neck before grabbing a hold of the knob and stepping into the cold December air. I shivered as I shut the door behind me and walked down the emergency stairs that led into an alleyway that stopped beside a café that me and the boys usually went to during breaks. I walked out of the alley, past the café and took a few twists and turns before finding myself at the park.

I looked around gingerly and walked over towards the swings once again. I sat down and held onto the chain before pushing myself back and forth gently whilst looking up at the stars. I sighed, causing some little puffs of fog to escape and I looked down at my feet, examining the frozen ground.

I kicked the ground a few times before finally settling on going home. I jumped off the swing and stuffed my freezing hands in my pockets before making my way home. I hummed the tune of Happily as I did so and by the time I reached the front door of our house, I was already humming the tune all over again.

"Mum, I'm home!" I called, removing my beanie and scarf and draping them both on the coat hanger. Squeals were heard before loud thudding sounds, which more or less my sisters were coming for me.

"Louis's back!" Daisy squealed as she proceeded to envelope my entire bottom leg in a hug. After that, everyone was hugging me, even Lottie and Felicity, who were already, as they claim it, too old for relativian hugs; if 'relativian' was even a word.

"Hi girls," I smiled down at my siblings who all decided that it was Attack Louis with Hugs Day and messed with Felicity's hair. She scowled before digging her fingers into my sides causing me to burst out laughing.

"Don't mess with my hair, darling brother, there is still more from where this came from." She gave me one last nod before releasing her grip on me and then turning around and walking away with Lottie following behind, then headed towards the kitchen.

During the little escapade, my other sisters had backed off and just watched me writhe there on the floor while Felicite tortured me. Such betrayal, but I love them to death.

"I'll head back to my room for a moment, bubs'." I smiled while picking myself up from the floor and walking up the stairs and to my room. I shut the door with my foot as I took off my shirt and throwing it somewhere across the room.

I walked over to my desk and reached across to close the curtains. I dropped my hands and gripped the edge of the desk, practically glaring at my messy desktop. I thought about the girl I saw at the park and I wondered who she was, because I have never really seen her around the town nor even caught a simple glimpse.

She was unfamiliar, even though she acted like she lived here for years, but not once have I ever seen her around. I haven't even heard of her and that was what intrigued me. I mean, _who was she?_

I was taken away from my thoughts as my eyes landed on a simple white letter laid neatly on my desk among the mess. I picked it up with rather clumsily and tore the flap open. My eyes smiled as I read the hand written letter. Her writing was messy but neat in the same way, and I noticed that she didn't write in cursive a lot.

' _Dear Louis,_

 _Hello! For some reason, ever since I started writing to you, I've been feeling a lot better. The voices have learned quiet down and I can finally breathe freely. And I know what you're thinking, I am so_ not _schizophrenic. Actually, now that I think about it; I think I remember being diagnosed with it._

_Okay, so in return to your recent letter; I'll be stating facts about myself. I'm not comfortable with it but hey, you gotta do what you gotta do. Here goes nothing:_

_My full name is Sadie Amanda (I'm going to leave my last name blank for security purposes), good gosh I now realized that my name sounds snobby. ANYWAYS... moving on... I'm 19 turning 20 this year on September 15. My favorite colors are violet and blue-green._

_And I sent in an attached photo as to how I look like. History behind the photo was that my mom and I were visiting New York once because she decided that she would take me on one of her trips and she painted my nails then. She was addicted to taking photos and since we were among a nice city outline, mom said 'Sadie, hon, show me your nails and smile!' so I composed myself and gasped instead of smiled - because I know how much my mom hated me not listening - and held out my nails and this happened._

_Okay, well I'm not in a band but when I read that you're in One Direction. I legit freaked because I've been listening to your songs for a year or so now without even knowing who you guys are. So you could say I'm familiar with you but not a crazed fan, you can wipe the sweat off your brow now._

_So, I don't know if I should say this, but I've already written it so here I go; my cousin is your ex's new boyfriend. I called him and was practically screaming in his ear and he kept saying that I should slow down and talk slower so he could understand me so I hung up._

_Yeah... I didn't really know how to put it so yeah._

_\- Sadie_

I frowned as I read the second to the last paragraph, a plot to murder already forming in my head. I sighed and ran a hand through my hair before picking up the envelope on my bed and looked inside it. True to her words, there was a picture of Sadie Amanda attached.

And I nearly choked on my spit.


	8. Chapter 8

[ _s h e  g a i n s  f r i e n d s_ ]

• • •

** S A D I E **

I met Louis Tomlinson.

I swallowed nervously at the thought, staring blankly at my ceiling and clutching my pillow to the death. I breathed deeply in and out through my nose as I just continued to stare at the ceiling. I met him. I just can't believe I met him, right before he knew who I was.

You would not believe the amount of time I just want to scream and throw my arms around him and cry. He had no idea how much I wanted to tell him who I was right then and there. Believe me, knowing he was just somewhere in the area killed me, knowing I can't approach him because one: I don't know where he even lives. Second: appearing suddenly out of nowhere at any given time of day just kinda crossed itself off my list of How To Meet Your PenPal Who Is Also Part Of A World Famous Boy Band.

Maybe he wouldn't recognize me?

Oh, to heck with it, he would surely recognize me. I mean, I sent him a picture of how I look like and he was probably reading it right this moment.

To be quite honest, because of the past letters, I kinda feel a bit shy to show myself around him so I'll just settle with avoiding him till' I gain the confidence to actually talk to him as Sadie, not some girl on the street.

I don't think I'm capable of doing this right now. Or anytime in the future for that matter. But I was going to face him sooner or later and I'd rather choose the latter, I mean, come on! I, Sadie Amanda Darren, am _not_ capable of facing a person, much less if it's a guy, who knows nearly everything about me and my problems.

That scared me.

What going to happen if he see's me and dives deeper into my life before asking me 'why do you think so lowly of yourself? Your life is perfect.'. I don't know if I be able to handle judgment about why, how, and who's. To be honest, it's better if we avoided the entire though of ever meeting him.

_That's right, don't go and meet him._

_Yes. Don't you dare talk to him too._

_He'll just rip your poor heart into three, you know._

_You don't even deserve him._

I squeezed my eyes shut as whispers evaded my thoughts and strangled the pillow to my chest. I breathed deeply through my nose and tried my best to calm myself down, trying not to think of dark thoughts.

I was finally getting better only to lose my grip and fall back towards the pit of insanity. Okay, that wasn't really necessary, but I just feel worse than before that I couldn't _do_ better.

I rose from my bed and swung my feet over the edge, breathing deeply. I shook my head and stood up, walking out of my room and into the ever silent hall of my so called home. I clapped my hands twice, a signal I made when I wanted to call for a maid since I don't remember any of their names, except Mia's of course. Just as soon, a maid with blonde hair appeared practically out of no where and I smiled calmly at her.

"You called, miss?" She asked, avoiding my eyes and I nearly scoffed. She's a newbie, clearly, since she doesn't know that I absolutely hate people that avoids my eyes when talking to me. It's one of my pet peeves that I also do towards my bullies but try to avoid.

"Can you please get my my swimsuit? I'm going for a swim." I smiled crookedly, walking past her towards the stairs. "Oh, and if you could, please clean my room. I already did this morning but I just want to do a once over just to be safe." I added, looking back and shooting the new maid one more smile before trudging down the stairs once again, this time with the smile wiped off my face.

I rubbed my face with my hands as I made my way towards the backyard, where the pool was. I passed numerous maids doing their own business who I plastered my fake smile on for, before reaching the door that led outside that was situated in the kitchen where even more maids were.

Just then, from the corner of my eye, I saw the maid running over to me with my bathing suit in hand. I turned towards her and took the swimsuit from her, before nodding for her to leave. She quickly did so, probably in fear of me, and disappeared around the corner.

I asked all the maids in the perimeter to turn away from me as I changed. Yes, I know, I'm changing in a kitchen where there are a lot of people but to be honest, who cares? Not me, certainly. Plus, they're all women anyways, and my parents would never even try to hire a male butler, security guard, or manservant. Not after what happened when I was 17.

I folded my clothes once I finished changing and walked outside, into the light of the dying sun. I sang a song that was currently stuck in my head under my breath as I dropped my clothes onto a lawn chair positioned in front of the pool.

I ran towards the pool and did a front flip, executing a perfect dive into the pool. I swam back to the surface and took a deep intake of air. I ran a hand through my hair, away from my face and swam towards the stairs built in the corner.

For me, this was what I like to call spending time with myself, a time to sort out my feelings. A time for me to catch up on my thoughts, or rather, something to get rid of them. It was a mixture of what I like to do and something I hate; swimming and my mind.

I did simple backstrokes and floated above water, staring at the pale blue sky. I could see that it was going to rain soon so I stayed a bit more, anticipating it. I swam to the bottom then, hugging my knees to my chest as I reached the floor of the pool, trying to stay under as long as I can.

When I met Louis, I wanted to hug him right then and there. Without knowing that much about him, I just feel connected to him in a way, like he could be the anchor whenever I feel like giving up and just drifting off, away from everything.

School's been tiring, as usual, nothing changed much; I still sit near the trash cans, just like high school. I'm still friendless, because no one wants to befriend an enemy of Emilie for the sake of their reputation.

Speaking of her, she still beats me up, continuously sneering in my face and kicking me down, but whenever a teacher appears, she acts like we've been best buddies since preschool and that she's comforting me. As much as I want to stand up for myself, I can't. I'll just get beat down more, then I'll stay at the bottom of the food chain for sure.

My eyes snapped open, I hadn't even realized they were closed in the first place, and I swam for the surface. I took another deep breath, wondering how long exactly had I been under, but later decided that it didn't matter.

It was raining now, water was pouring down hard and I smiled, tilting my head up to meet the droplets of rainwater. I enjoyed the feeling on my face for a while before doing a few laps of freestyle strokes

Suddenly, running steps stopped me from what I was doing and I paused in the water to see what was happening. People, probably around my age, appeared in my backyard, causing me a lot of confusion.

 _Did they just climb over the wall - that covered every inch of what we own - to jump in my pool?_ I thought, furrowing my eyebrows as I narrowed my eyes at them.

And jump in my pool they did.

I was swimming backwards now, towards the stairs before any of them could notice me. There were four of them, two girls and two boys, all laughing and splashing each other and plain out having fun.

I hid myself, my face half under the water as I watched them with much envy. They were enjoying themselves, they were friends and I just couldn't put a stop to that, I would feel pretty bad if I did so. I mean, if you were young and jumped in someone's pool while someone was still in there, possibly your age, wouldn't you think you're a party popper?

Well, as long as they don't break anything, it's fine.

"Oh shit, someone's in the pool." One of the guys cursed and scrambled to get out of the pool, probably thinking I had a gun or something underwater. My eyes widened and I resisted the urge to sink towards the bottom of the pool in shame of being caught on the act of spying on them.

Everybody resumed to jump out of the pool and leave, but before they could do just that, I did something my gut told me not to. I stopped them.

"Wait, wait! It's okay, I don't mind you guys swimming around here." I swam to the edge and pulled myself up, sitting on the ledge across from the four that now look very close to my age. They paused and stared at me before they started to whisper into one another's ear. In the rain. By a pool. Looking like complete idiots.

"Hey, aren't you that girl that Emilie hates so much?" One of the girls mentioned. Had brown hair, though I couldn't see that much through the rain.

"Bella!" One of the boys, brunette - not the tattletale - elbowed her in the ribs with his elbow while another girl, blonde, snickered.

"I'm just asking, she could be someone else for all we know." Bella asked around before turning to face me since no one responded "Are you Sadie?"

"Yeah, that's me." I sighed, smiling sadly. I couldn't get a good look at them through the terrible downpour that seemed to worsen the past five minutes so I couldn't recognize their faces despite the fact that Bella seemed to recognize mine.

"And you live here?" Bella's eyes gazed around my backyard with wonder, not in a obnoxious way but just curious, and I resisted the urge to roll my eyes.

This would be the natural reaction to anyone that figures out that I do in fact live here and then question how I'm so rich(I'm not rich one exactly, my parents are).

"Of course, she lives here, Bells. I mean, why else would she be swimming here in a bathing suit and enjoying herself?" The girl to the left spoke, hugging herself probably because of the cold. Bella raised her eyebrows before replying.

"You never know, she could be doing the same thing as us, just with the proper attire is all." Bella shrugged and looked at me, not really expecting me to reply because she think of me as that low-life Emilie bullies.

"Want me to show you proof and send you out? By the police?" I raised and eyebrow an stood up, walking over to the sun bench and sitting down there, bending over and resting my elbows on my knees.

Bella's smile faltered, just as I expected actually. The two boys on either side of her sent each other a look before meeting eyes with the girl on next to the boy, black hair, that called me out.

"No thanks," The three said in chorus before sending a glare at Bella, who looked at each of them and mouthed a 'what?'.

I silently snickered as the other girl tugged on Bella's arm as they huddled together and proceeded to have a little group meeting.

"Okay, Sadie,"

It's been a few moments when I looked up from where I was busy picking at my nails and frowned when I saw that they had already crossed the pool and were standing about a meter away from where I was seated.

"Yeah?"

"We wonder if it's okay to apologize for, ah, you know, jumping into your pool three days in a row." The guy brunette apologized, speaking for all of them. I glanced at Bella and saw how she winced and was too breathing deeply. I figured she wasn't that enthusiastic about apologizing.

"Eh, it's alright, just tell me if you guys wanna go for a swim without having to do it illegally." I shrugged, one corner of my lips lifting up.

"Seriously? I thought you were going to get us arrested or something," The blonde girl sighed in relief, her tense shoulders sagging.

"Do you want to?" I laughed, just as they tensed again. "Oh, and I didn't get any of your names yet." I spoke, pointing at the three.

"Well, I'm Kade Bryan, pleasure to be in your acquaintance m'lady." The black haired guy said, smirking before he winked at me.

"Amelia Taslow!" The blonde girl raised her hand, waving it, and smiled widely, showing off her pearly whites.

"The name's Chad McFields," The brunette guy smiled, showing off braces.

The three seemed like people you would brand as the stereotypical bad boy, best friend, and late bloomer of the group. But I read so much fiction books that I couldn't help _but_ brand them that.

"And you might already know, I'm Bella Burgsman. Sorry for my rotten attitude earlier, I get like that a lot when I'm nervous." Bella cleared her throat and look uncomfortable as she said the word 'sorry', the rest of her friends just looked as shocked as I am.

I wasn't sure what I would brand her.

I totally wasn't expecting an apology. I mean, Bella didn't looked like someone that gave away apologies so I just nodded to say that I accept her apology, but she wouldn't meet my eyes.

"Hey, we're not swimming - probably have no more plans for it - so why don't we head inside? I'll just get my maids to get some towels and extra clothes for you guys." I jerked my chin towards the entrance back into my house and, seeing the weather, the guys agreed after a moment of hesitance.

• • •

We all sat around the island in my kitchen, eating strawberries with a bowl of melted chocolate beside it prepared by some of the maids. We told jokes and stories and adventures we all had, just having a fun time, for hours on end. I honestly haven't been this happy or laughed for this long ever since Louis had replied to my letter.

And honestly, Bella wasn't that bad of a person, she was just insecure by a lot, kinda like me, and she doesn't know how to act towards people she just met. The stories she told were hilarious and downright weird.

"You really did that?" I commented, laughing at one of Kade's stories of the endless pranks he's done.

"Yeah, and the dude had had the face that a blood-thirsty murderer would have." Kade laughed, his eye crinkling at the corners. The rest around the table were in unstoppable laughter as we all pictured what Kade had done over and over again.

"Ms., a letter is here for you," A maid popped her head out from around the corner of the sitting room, leaning into the kitchen. "It's from-"

"Oh, yes! Okay, I'll be the _library_ in a minute or so," I gestured to the maid that the library was where we were going to meet and she nodded. I also made sure that none of my companions found out who sent letters to me. It would be a disaster if any of these people knew, then they would just want to be friends with me in vain. Not that I didn't suspect they already were.

I apologetically smiled at my companions and walked over to where the maid was, holding a letter at her side. The latter continued their conversation while I flipped the plain white letter over, pleased to find my address still not there.

I signaled for the maids to leave before facing the group seated in my kitchen, I'm not sure if I should call them friends yet. I can't trust them, a few years in a judgmental college can do that to you.

"Hey guys-" I was cut off by Chad, who was looking around my kitchen in awe.

"You sure do have a lot of maids in this house, say, where are your parents?" He asked and I just wished I could tell him, but even I don't know. So I just shrugged and replied the simplest possible answer I could think of.

"They're out of the country at the moment, business meetings and such." The guys nodded understandingly before engaging back into a conversation.

"Um, guys, I'll just need to step out for a moment, maid says I've also got a letter." It surprised me how easily I lied but it didn't surprise me _that_ much, I mean, I've been lying to Mia for about a year or two already.

I speedily escaped from the kitchen and went to the library where the maid was patiently waiting, the letter in hand. I thanked her and sent her out before collapsing in a large velvet chair that was at least six feet tall and practically wrapped itself around me.

I tore open the envelope, pulling out the sheet of paper in it and began reading.

_'Dear Sadie,_

_It's was you isn't it?_

_The girl I met earlier today at the park? Why didn't you tell me straight ahead? It was a shock when I found out too late. I could've hugged you, told you reassuring things, be there for you in person. But you didn't tell me and I guess I was just a tad bit disappointed is all._

_But then again, I would like to thank you for finding out who my ex was dating. Though after a month, as much as my heart is hurting with betrayal, I'm trying to cope with forgetting her. Put her behind me you know? I did all I could in that relationship and she just tossed away all my effort._

_That thought made it easier for me to forget my feelings about her, but the memories still burned in my mind. Everything we shared, was thrown away like it was nothing._

_Now that I found out it was you that I was talking to, I just want to reach out and hug you. After just a few letters and I already feel a strong connection between the two of us. I met you, even if it was only for the shortest time, and already I feel so protective of you._

_As if I hadn't before aha._

_P.S. Sorry for the short letter, I couldn't find the right words of what I felt to say to you. Believe me, it wold be a lot better if we talked. In person._

_Write to you later, Louis'_

And just then, I burst into tears.

[ _s h e  g a i n s  f r i e n d s_ ]

• • •

** S A D I E **

I met Louis Tomlinson.

I swallowed nervously at the thought, staring blankly at my ceiling and clutching my pillow to the death. I breathed deeply in and out through my nose as I just continued to stare at the ceiling. I met him. I just can't believe I met him, right before he knew who I was.

You would not believe the amount of time I just want to scream and throw my arms around him and cry. He had no idea how much I wanted to tell him who I was right then and there. Believe me, knowing he was just somewhere in the area killed me, knowing I can't approach him because one: I don't know where he even lives. Second: appearing suddenly out of nowhere at any given time of day just kinda crossed itself off my list of How To Meet Your PenPal Who Is Also Part Of A World Famous Boy Band.

Maybe he wouldn't recognize me?

Oh, to heck with it, he would surely recognize me. I mean, I sent him a picture of how I look like and he was probably reading it right this moment.

To be quite honest, because of the past letters, I kinda feel a bit shy to show myself around him so I'll just settle with avoiding him till' I gain the confidence to actually talk to him as Sadie, not some girl on the street.

I don't think I'm capable of doing this right now. Or anytime in the future for that matter. But I was going to face him sooner or later and I'd rather choose the latter, I mean, come on! I, Sadie Amanda Darren, am _not_ capable of facing a person, much less if it's a guy, who knows nearly everything about me and my problems.

That scared me.

What going to happen if he see's me and dives deeper into my life before asking me 'why do you think so lowly of yourself? Your life is perfect.'. I don't know if I be able to handle judgment about why, how, and who's. To be honest, it's better if we avoided the entire though of ever meeting him.

_That's right, don't go and meet him._

_Yes. Don't you dare talk to him too._

_He'll just rip your poor heart into three, you know._

_You don't even deserve him._

I squeezed my eyes shut as whispers evaded my thoughts and strangled the pillow to my chest. I breathed deeply through my nose and tried my best to calm myself down, trying not to think of dark thoughts.

I was finally getting better only to lose my grip and fall back towards the pit of insanity. Okay, that wasn't really necessary, but I just feel worse than before that I couldn't _do_ better.

I rose from my bed and swung my feet over the edge, breathing deeply. I shook my head and stood up, walking out of my room and into the ever silent hall of my so called home. I clapped my hands twice, a signal I made when I wanted to call for a maid since I don't remember any of their names, except Mia's of course. Just as soon, a maid with blonde hair appeared practically out of no where and I smiled calmly at her.

"You called, miss?" She asked, avoiding my eyes and I nearly scoffed. She's a newbie, clearly, since she doesn't know that I absolutely hate people that avoids my eyes when talking to me. It's one of my pet peeves that I also do towards my bullies but try to avoid.

"Can you please get my my swimsuit? I'm going for a swim." I smiled crookedly, walking past her towards the stairs. "Oh, and if you could, please clean my room. I already did this morning but I just want to do a once over just to be safe." I added, looking back and shooting the new maid one more smile before trudging down the stairs once again, this time with the smile wiped off my face.

I rubbed my face with my hands as I made my way towards the backyard, where the pool was. I passed numerous maids doing their own business who I plastered my fake smile on for, before reaching the door that led outside that was situated in the kitchen where even more maids were.

Just then, from the corner of my eye, I saw the maid running over to me with my bathing suit in hand. I turned towards her and took the swimsuit from her, before nodding for her to leave. She quickly did so, probably in fear of me, and disappeared around the corner.

I asked all the maids in the perimeter to turn away from me as I changed. Yes, I know, I'm changing in a kitchen where there are a lot of people but to be honest, who cares? Not me, certainly. Plus, they're all women anyways, and my parents would never even try to hire a male butler, security guard, or manservant. Not after what happened when I was 17.

I folded my clothes once I finished changing and walked outside, into the light of the dying sun. I sang a song that was currently stuck in my head under my breath as I dropped my clothes onto a lawn chair positioned in front of the pool.

I ran towards the pool and did a front flip, executing a perfect dive into the pool. I swam back to the surface and took a deep intake of air. I ran a hand through my hair, away from my face and swam towards the stairs built in the corner.

For me, this was what I like to call spending time with myself, a time to sort out my feelings. A time for me to catch up on my thoughts, or rather, something to get rid of them. It was a mixture of what I like to do and something I hate; swimming and my mind.

I did simple backstrokes and floated above water, staring at the pale blue sky. I could see that it was going to rain soon so I stayed a bit more, anticipating it. I swam to the bottom then, hugging my knees to my chest as I reached the floor of the pool, trying to stay under as long as I can.

When I met Louis, I wanted to hug him right then and there. Without knowing that much about him, I just feel connected to him in a way, like he could be the anchor whenever I feel like giving up and just drifting off, away from everything.

School's been tiring, as usual, nothing changed much; I still sit near the trash cans, just like high school. I'm still friendless, because no one wants to befriend an enemy of Emilie for the sake of their reputation.

Speaking of her, she still beats me up, continuously sneering in my face and kicking me down, but whenever a teacher appears, she acts like we've been best buddies since preschool and that she's comforting me. As much as I want to stand up for myself, I can't. I'll just get beat down more, then I'll stay at the bottom of the food chain for sure.

My eyes snapped open, I hadn't even realized they were closed in the first place, and I swam for the surface. I took another deep breath, wondering how long exactly had I been under, but later decided that it didn't matter.

It was raining now, water was pouring down hard and I smiled, tilting my head up to meet the droplets of rainwater. I enjoyed the feeling on my face for a while before doing a few laps of freestyle strokes

Suddenly, running steps stopped me from what I was doing and I paused in the water to see what was happening. People, probably around my age, appeared in my backyard, causing me a lot of confusion.

 _Did they just climb over the wall - that covered every inch of what we own - to jump in my pool?_ I thought, furrowing my eyebrows as I narrowed my eyes at them.

And jump in my pool they did.

I was swimming backwards now, towards the stairs before any of them could notice me. There were four of them, two girls and two boys, all laughing and splashing each other and plain out having fun.

I hid myself, my face half under the water as I watched them with much envy. They were enjoying themselves, they were friends and I just couldn't put a stop to that, I would feel pretty bad if I did so. I mean, if you were young and jumped in someone's pool while someone was still in there, possibly your age, wouldn't you think you're a party popper?

Well, as long as they don't break anything, it's fine.

"Oh shit, someone's in the pool." One of the guys cursed and scrambled to get out of the pool, probably thinking I had a gun or something underwater. My eyes widened and I resisted the urge to sink towards the bottom of the pool in shame of being caught on the act of spying on them.

Everybody resumed to jump out of the pool and leave, but before they could do just that, I did something my gut told me not to. I stopped them.

"Wait, wait! It's okay, I don't mind you guys swimming around here." I swam to the edge and pulled myself up, sitting on the ledge across from the four that now look very close to my age. They paused and stared at me before they started to whisper into one another's ear. In the rain. By a pool. Looking like complete idiots.

"Hey, aren't you that girl that Emilie hates so much?" One of the girls mentioned. Had brown hair, though I couldn't see that much through the rain.

"Bella!" One of the boys, brunette - not the tattletale - elbowed her in the ribs with his elbow while another girl, blonde, snickered.

"I'm just asking, she could be someone else for all we know." Bella asked around before turning to face me since no one responded "Are you Sadie?"

"Yeah, that's me." I sighed, smiling sadly. I couldn't get a good look at them through the terrible downpour that seemed to worsen the past five minutes so I couldn't recognize their faces despite the fact that Bella seemed to recognize mine.

"And you live here?" Bella's eyes gazed around my backyard with wonder, not in a obnoxious way but just curious, and I resisted the urge to roll my eyes.

This would be the natural reaction to anyone that figures out that I do in fact live here and then question how I'm so rich(I'm not rich one exactly, my parents are).

"Of course, she lives here, Bells. I mean, why else would she be swimming here in a bathing suit and enjoying herself?" The girl to the left spoke, hugging herself probably because of the cold. Bella raised her eyebrows before replying.

"You never know, she could be doing the same thing as us, just with the proper attire is all." Bella shrugged and looked at me, not really expecting me to reply because she think of me as that low-life Emilie bullies.

"Want me to show you proof and send you out? By the police?" I raised and eyebrow an stood up, walking over to the sun bench and sitting down there, bending over and resting my elbows on my knees.

Bella's smile faltered, just as I expected actually. The two boys on either side of her sent each other a look before meeting eyes with the girl on next to the boy, black hair, that called me out.

"No thanks," The three said in chorus before sending a glare at Bella, who looked at each of them and mouthed a 'what?'.

I silently snickered as the other girl tugged on Bella's arm as they huddled together and proceeded to have a little group meeting.

"Okay, Sadie,"

It's been a few moments when I looked up from where I was busy picking at my nails and frowned when I saw that they had already crossed the pool and were standing about a meter away from where I was seated.

"Yeah?"

"We wonder if it's okay to apologize for, ah, you know, jumping into your pool three days in a row." The guy brunette apologized, speaking for all of them. I glanced at Bella and saw how she winced and was too breathing deeply. I figured she wasn't that enthusiastic about apologizing.

"Eh, it's alright, just tell me if you guys wanna go for a swim without having to do it illegally." I shrugged, one corner of my lips lifting up.

"Seriously? I thought you were going to get us arrested or something," The blonde girl sighed in relief, her tense shoulders sagging.

"Do you want to?" I laughed, just as they tensed again. "Oh, and I didn't get any of your names yet." I spoke, pointing at the three.

"Well, I'm Kade Bryan, pleasure to be in your acquaintance m'lady." The black haired guy said, smirking before he winked at me.

"Amelia Taslow!" The blonde girl raised her hand, waving it, and smiled widely, showing off her pearly whites.

"The name's Chad McFields," The brunette guy smiled, showing off braces.

The three seemed like people you would brand as the stereotypical bad boy, best friend, and late bloomer of the group. But I read so much fiction books that I couldn't help _but_ brand them that.

"And you might already know, I'm Bella Burgsman. Sorry for my rotten attitude earlier, I get like that a lot when I'm nervous." Bella cleared her throat and look uncomfortable as she said the word 'sorry', the rest of her friends just looked as shocked as I am.

I wasn't sure what I would brand her.

I totally wasn't expecting an apology. I mean, Bella didn't looked like someone that gave away apologies so I just nodded to say that I accept her apology, but she wouldn't meet my eyes.

"Hey, we're not swimming - probably have no more plans for it - so why don't we head inside? I'll just get my maids to get some towels and extra clothes for you guys." I jerked my chin towards the entrance back into my house and, seeing the weather, the guys agreed after a moment of hesitance.

• • •

We all sat around the island in my kitchen, eating strawberries with a bowl of melted chocolate beside it prepared by some of the maids. We told jokes and stories and adventures we all had, just having a fun time, for hours on end. I honestly haven't been this happy or laughed for this long ever since Louis had replied to my letter.

And honestly, Bella wasn't that bad of a person, she was just insecure by a lot, kinda like me, and she doesn't know how to act towards people she just met. The stories she told were hilarious and downright weird.

"You really did that?" I commented, laughing at one of Kade's stories of the endless pranks he's done.

"Yeah, and the dude had had the face that a blood-thirsty murderer would have." Kade laughed, his eye crinkling at the corners. The rest around the table were in unstoppable laughter as we all pictured what Kade had done over and over again.

"Ms., a letter is here for you," A maid popped her head out from around the corner of the sitting room, leaning into the kitchen. "It's from-"

"Oh, yes! Okay, I'll be the _library_ in a minute or so," I gestured to the maid that the library was where we were going to meet and she nodded. I also made sure that none of my companions found out who sent letters to me. It would be a disaster if any of these people knew, then they would just want to be friends with me in vain. Not that I didn't suspect they already were.

I apologetically smiled at my companions and walked over to where the maid was, holding a letter at her side. The latter continued their conversation while I flipped the plain white letter over, pleased to find my address still not there.

I signaled for the maids to leave before facing the group seated in my kitchen, I'm not sure if I should call them friends yet. I can't trust them, a few years in a judgmental college can do that to you.

"Hey guys-" I was cut off by Chad, who was looking around my kitchen in awe.

"You sure do have a lot of maids in this house, say, where are your parents?" He asked and I just wished I could tell him, but even I don't know. So I just shrugged and replied the simplest possible answer I could think of.

"They're out of the country at the moment, business meetings and such." The guys nodded understandingly before engaging back into a conversation.

"Um, guys, I'll just need to step out for a moment, maid says I've also got a letter." It surprised me how easily I lied but it didn't surprise me _that_ much, I mean, I've been lying to Mia for about a year or two already.

I speedily escaped from the kitchen and went to the library where the maid was patiently waiting, the letter in hand. I thanked her and sent her out before collapsing in a large velvet chair that was at least six feet tall and practically wrapped itself around me.

I tore open the envelope, pulling out the sheet of paper in it and began reading.

_'Dear Sadie,_

_It's was you isn't it?_

_The girl I met earlier today at the park? Why didn't you tell me straight ahead? It was a shock when I found out too late. I could've hugged you, told you reassuring things, be there for you in person. But you didn't tell me and I guess I was just a tad bit disappointed is all._

_But then again, I would like to thank you for finding out who my ex was dating. Though after a month, as much as my heart is hurting with betrayal, I'm trying to cope with forgetting her. Put her behind me you know? I did all I could in that relationship and she just tossed away all my effort._

_That thought made it easier for me to forget my feelings about her, but the memories still burned in my mind. Everything we shared, was thrown away like it was nothing._

_Now that I found out it was you that I was talking to, I just want to reach out and hug you. After just a few letters and I already feel a strong connection between the two of us. I met you, even if it was only for the shortest time, and already I feel so protective of you._

_As if I hadn't before aha._

_P.S. Sorry for the short letter, I couldn't find the right words of what I felt to say to you. Believe me, it wold be a lot better if we talked. In person._

_Write to you later, Louis'_

And just then, I burst into tears.


	9. Chapter 9

[ _w h o  h e  m e t_ ]

• • •

** L O U I S **

I was walking around in the supermarket, pushing around a half full cart filled with half the groceries mum needed. Christmas, along with my birthday, was near approaching and mum wanted to slowly stock up while the goods were still available. Half the things on the list mum had given me were for the festive season while the rest were just groceries.

I walked around looking for a particular seasoning mum needed, when my eyes caught sight of strawberry blonde hair and a face that looks very much like the one I met at the playground. I quickly back tracked out of the aisle I was in to find the girl entering another aisle. I pushed the cart in front of me around and nearly sped over to the lane the girl slipped into, three aisles away.

I almost ran over an old man as I did so, nearly getting myself hit in the head with his walking stick.

"Watch yourself lad!"

"Sorry!" I called behind me, urging my cart to go faster. I skidded to a stop once I got to the isle where I last saw her and saw her farther down. I groaned but pushed through either way.

"Sadie!" I called, but the girl either didn't notice or hear it. "Sadie!"

I had trouble avoiding people and I was sputtering out a lot of _excuse me's_ but I finally managed to reach the girl with high hopes that it was Sadie.

"Excuse me, miss?" I tapped her on the shoulder as she was scanning the shelf of canned milk, slightly panting. The girl turned around and I held my breath.

Her blonde hair was in a neat French braid with a little pink bow at the end and I had crossed my fingers hoping that it was Sadie but - it wasn't. It was an older lady, in her late twenties probably but it wasn't my Sadie.

"Yes?"

"Oh, um, I apologize, I thought you were someone else." I apologized sheepishly and she smiled sympathetically before turning back to the milk. I sighed and pushed my cart out of the isle and back into the one I was previously in to finish off the groceries.

Throughout the entire process of getting the food, I kept sighing and thinking that I'll never meet Sadie or that I'll never be able to go stable. But it wasn't until I felt a tap on my shoulder when I finally thanked God I didn't leave early.

"Hi, um, I was wondering where the cheese aisle was?"

In front of me was a beauty. A brunette with dark brown eyes and a shy smile. I tripped over my words before I managed a small smile and pointed in the general direction the cheese aisle was.

"Thank you," She glanced at the aisle and pushed her cart over there, a few meters ahead. I distinctly watched her as she inspected blocks of cheese and I guiltily let my eyes travel down her body.

Despite her wearing sweatpants and a cardigan over her tank top, she was a sight for sore eyes. I don't know how to properly out this without offending the female species, but she was sexy and curvaceous. Her body, as much as I tried to shake out the resemblance, was a lot like Eleanor's.

I looked away before my thoughts traveled into the dark shadows and suddenly wondered why this pack of spaghetti sauce seemed so interesting.

"Hi, me again," The mystery girl approached my once again and had tapped my shoulder. I spun around, eager to see her face and listen to her voice.

"But I was wondering if you could help me around? I just moved here for college and I don't know where things are, I also have this habit of not looking at the board-things."

"The signs?" I chuckled at the girl, looking up at the big blue boards hung up before each isle to tell the customers what they were getting into. "They tend to get a tad bit boring."

We shared a laugh and before we knew it we found ourselves pushing our carts side by side, sharing stories and jokes. Once I fulfilled the list mum had given me, I was forced to say goodbye to her but not without exchanging numbers.

As I carried the plastic bags over to the trunk of my car, car keys in my mouth, I took my time and looked around. The parking lot was nearly empty and it was getting a bit dark. I thanked the heavens that somehow there weren't any fans today, as much as I love them to death.

I dropped the bags and breathed a sigh of relief as I did so. The bags were killing my arms and they were starting to ache. After securing the bags in the trunk, I walked over to the side of my car and opened the driver's door.

I plopped down, shut the door and pulled out my phone first thing. I managed to saved her number but I didn't manage to type in her name so I decided that I'll just do it now before I forget and delete the number accidentally.

I tried to quickly think of the most creative name I could come up with for a girl like her, but came up blank. So I just shrugged and convinced myself that I'll change it later before typing in her name.

**BELLA :P**

•  •  •

When I came home, I quickly dropped the bags in the kitchen and sorted them in their rightful places before dashing up to my room to take a well-deserved bath. Then I checked for any recent letters from Sadie.

I stripped down and tossed my clothes in a basket before jumping into the shower. When I was done, I dried myself up with a towel before wrapping it around my waist. I ran a hand through my hair as I fell back onto the mattress, just thinking about nothing and everything at the same time. I smiled just as Bella's face passed through my mind.

I then stood up and got myself dressed in basketball shorts and a dark blue shirt. I walked over to my desk and checked for any of Sadie's now notorious letters but I found none.

I frowned and looked through piles of paper I had on my desk but still couldn't find it. I furrowed my eyebrows a bit more before walking over to the door of my bedroom.

"Mum, are there any letters recently?" My voice was carried out through the entire household as I peeked out from my room. Mum's reply came just as soon.

"Oh, I'm sorry Lou. There weren't any letters, I checked." She stood at the top of the stairs, drying her hands on the apron tied around her waist. I tried to prevent my disappointment from showing but I guess it came through since my mum was looking at me sympathetically.

"It's fine, mum. Probably just a delay." I waved it off and she gave me another sympathetic mile before disappearing down the stairs. But all I really was was disappointed.

Was Sadie avoiding me?


	10. Chapter 10

[ _s h e ' s  d e f e n d e d_ ]

• • •

** S A D I E **

I guess you can say that I've been avoiding Louis for a month now.

Sure, I'm still writing him letters and all, but not as much and not as long. My letters now consisting of at least two paragraphs and lies. As much as I try to improve and give me this feeling that Louis _is_ listening, I can't. So it's mostly lies.

Like how I'd write how well my day has been when in reality I've purged at least twice and the voices were already practically screaming at me. They told me that Louis didn't even read my letters, that I was just a desperate little bitch that wanted attention because I didn't get enough.

And I've slowly started to believe them, hence the short letters.

I wanted to write to him as much as I can but I can't with the lingering fear that he's tired of my antics, of my problems. That he's already tired of hearing from me. I still send these letters also with the fear that he might think I'm ignoring him, which I am not. But after a couple weeks of this, Louis still writes back to me with his usual long letters and I wondered if my mind was literally playing tricks on me.

"Sadie?"

"Huh? What?" I jumped in my seat and blinked my eyes repeatedly since I've been staring off into space for the past few minutes in the middle of Humanities. The rest of the class chuckled at me while I just ducked my head to avoid their stares.

"I asked for you to answer the question written on the black board." My professor signaled for the class to quiet down. I fixed my attention on the board and tried my best to ignore the whispers. The question was easy enough I guess, you know, for a college student.

**WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING IS A 19TH-CENTURY ARTIST WHO WAS INFLUENCED BY JAPANESE PRINTS AND IS KNOWN AS BOTH A PAINTER AND A PRINTMAKER?**

**A. SALVADOR DALL**

**B. GEORGIA O'KEEFFE**

**C. MARY CASSATT**

**D. HENRI MATISSE**

"Well, um, C...?" I answered, reaching behind me to twirl a strand of hair, kind of like Mia in the Princess Diaries. It was a habit I picked up while watching it a few years back.

My professor raised his eyebrows and adjusted the glasses sitting on the base of his nose, pushing them up.

"That is unusually... correct," The professor nodded in a approval and I smiled inwardly when he turned around to write something down on his planner.

I could guess that his momentary shock was because of the fact that I usually didn't participate much in class. I was always the girl at the back that liked keeping to herself. So whenever I was asked to participate or was called on, I would usually shake my head in form that I didn't want to answer or purposely gave the wrong answer, just to get it over with.

If you were with me right now, you would know why I wanted to avoid all forms of attention. Whispers erupted higher than before and I managed to catch some of what they were saying.

"What does she think she's doing?"

"What's she trying to prove?"

"She just answered one question, that doesn't mean she isn't dumb as hell."

"She probably sucks off the professor for good grades."

My eyes blurred with unshed tears and I nearly collapsed back in my chair. I crossed my arms over my desk and lowered my head again, my forehead nearly touching the wood. My hair thankfully provided me a momentary shield but it still didn't help because I could still hear the constant whispered gossip.

Class flew by after that, for I no longer paid much attention and was pretty keen on keeping my head down. I went through half the day without having to interact with teachers curious about my grades, parents asking for directions or the worst of them all... students.

But like I said, _half the day_. So by the time lunch rolled around, I had my mini-session with Emilie and her ever faithful gang. That's when I wondered, where was _my_ so called 'gang'? Probably having fun somewhere without giving me much thought.

So as some big dumb jock-like dude brought his foot down on my knee, probably damaging my walking for a few days, though fortunately didn't dislocated it, someone shout 'hey!' from afar.

Shocked, I looked up to see my 'friends' in a sort-of line, Amelia and Kade towards the middle and Chad and Bella were next to them. They were frowning and I could only guess from the voice that it was Chad that called out.

"What do you think you're doing?" Bella jabbed at Emilie's shoulder hard, which I knew she would since she was someone that looked like she did that kind of stuff to people without giving a flying fuck, and Emilie sneered in her face.

"And who do you think you are exactly?" She spat, looking her from head to toe.

The people around us - including Emilie's gang and the crowd going by - stared at the drama unfolding. I even saw some people sneakily opening packets of snacks and leaning against the walls to watch.

"She asked you first," Amelia stepped forward and crossed her arms tentatively, raising an eyebrow.

Emilie blinked at the statement, her facade slowly cracking, before managing to recover and hardened once again. They argued back and forth, included some jabs to the chest here and there, but never anything serious. By me, Chad and Kade were already involved in a fistfight with the jock that injured me and one of his companions.

"Guys! Guys!" I struggled to get on my feet, ignoring the flaring pain of my knee, and tried my very best to pull away Chad and Kade from the jerk jock, but never getting in between them. I learned my lesson about that a long time ago.

"Guys! Please!"

I was shouting at the top of my lungs now and yet the boys didn't see through their blinding anger. I could tell by the hits that Chad and Kade weren't just fighting for my sake but for the justice of others.

"Jesus, _guys_!" I screamed, pushing their chests away from each other. "Hitting each other is going to get you nowhere!"

They stopped and the two parties stared at me, unblinking. I sighed and breathed deeply through my nose, running a hand through my hair.

"Look, I'm not even that important, Emilie made that clear enough," I saw Emilie's smug smile from the corner of my eye and I resisted the urge to slap it off. "But Emilie as well isn't even that important, she's nothing to us but a big fat bully that can never get over herself, not now, not ever. So why should we waste our time on her and her groupies when we know she's not going to change. _Ever_?"

That wiped the smile off her face for sure.

"Excuse-" Emilie interjected but a single glare from Bella shut her up faster than you can say 'cheesecake sprinkles'.

"Let's just go guys," I sighed, turning away from Emilie and walked away from the scene. I heard my gang utter a few words to Emilie before they scuttled over by my side.

"Brave thing you did back there," Kade put a hand on my shoulder and I pushed down my tears, the dread and the voices before I sent him a brief smile.

"Thanks, I guess."

But what I honestly wanted to say was, I don't know where I got that boost of confidence. Maybe it was the voices, which I'll now name Katrina, like the hurricane that devastated millions of Americans, devastated _me_. Or maybe it was just purely all me.

Or maybe, just maybe, because I was thinking about Louis the entire time.


	11. Chapter 11

[ _w h o  h e  t r a c k s  d o w n_ ]

• • •

**L O U I S**

"Bro, it's just that, she seems so damn sad and depressed and I feel like I've failed her or something."

The boys and I were crashing at my place tonight, with mum out of town and the girls at different sleepovers with their friends. It was kind of like the universe was helping us out a little bit with the situation at hand.

"Maybe she is depressed Lou, she's written about voices hasn't she? And the past few letters seem shorter than her others, there's even a couple of wet stains on those. _Tear_ stains." Liam's eyes scanned Sadie's previous letters before passing them to Harry who looked at it with wary eyes then looked at me, I nodded in approval and he took the letters.

I know I promised Sadie that I'd keep this our little secret but right now I was desperate to understand what's going on in her head, if she was depressed or if the voices were just taking a toll on her. I've told the boys already about how I met Sadie at the playground the other day as well.

The lot of them told me that I should've gone after her while Niall blurted out some poetic shit that went by the lines 'if you love her, let her go, if she loves you, she'll come back'. I protested of course, saying that I didn't love her. I couldn't love someone just by reading their letters without actually meeting them right? But our fans love us just by listening to our music, so let's not be hypocritical here.

"She never tells me anything without screwing up the story, I've always got to figure it out." I grumbled before Zayn put a hand on my shoulder.

"That's how it is, Lou." He chuckled, sitting down beside me. "Whether you like it or not, sometimes it could be the other way around."

"My life is shit," I rubbed my face with one hand, sighing exasperatedly.

"Maybe you should write her your feelings on the situation and if you're lucky, she'll open up a bit more." Harry spoke, swinging his bottle of beer around just as he gave me back the letter.

"Maybe I should," I smiled hopefully, sitting up but then a dreadful thought came to mind and I slouched back in my seat "But what if she stops sending me her letters because she thinks I'm prying too much?"

"That's jackass, by the way you talk about her, she doesn't seem like one to do something like that." Niall said from across of me "And if all goes wrong, track her down. You did tell us you already met her and that she had a Doncaster accent, didn't you?"

"Yeah," I replied warily, not sure where this was going.

"So if you want to avoid rejection, track her down. Easy as that, mate." Niall crossed his arms smugly.

"Easy for you to say, I don't even have her last name." I groaned "This is shit,"

"You don't have her last name?" Four different voices yelled.

"Clearly, now the plan's going down the muddled and tarnished, bloody old drain." I sighed, taking a quick swig of the beer, looking down dejectedly at Sadie's letters on the coffee table.

"Get your jackets boys, we're taking a visit to the hospital." Zayn stood and grabbed his leather jacket, shrugging it on. Me and the others just stared blankly after him.

"We can't just waltz our way in there and demand to see records Z," Niall countered, taking his swig of the beer.

Zayn just rolled his eyes and resumed taking his keys "Actually, we can. I'm Zayn Malik and you're-" He pointed at all four of us "- coming with me."

"The power you have over random things when you're Zayn Malik I swear," Liam chuckled and shrugged on his jacket. A nearly empty beer tray was left on the coffee table as we slammed the front door closed and locked it.

• • •

It was a short drive to the hospital, no more than 10 minutes, especially in Harry's range rover he specially asked to be brought here. I drove of course, because who knows the Doncaster shortcuts better than a pure Doncastian? Okay, we're not actually called 'Doncastians' but it sounded cool so I went with it.

I pulled up to the hospital a few minutes later and shut the engine off, getting out soon after. The boys followed out and together we walked towards one of the hospital's entrances. I tossed Harry his keys and he pressed down on the all around lock button to secure his car.

"Excuse me miss?"

The nurse behind the counter looked up with a smile, before it dropped and started hyperventilating. We widened our eyes and looked around us for help. The boys shrugged and we started to talk to her to calm her down but we didn't touch her, fearing that she might actually scream.

Believe me, we know.

"Miss? Calm down,"

"Yeah, it's just us."

"Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale,"

"Okay, I officially do not know what to do."

"Oi, lady. _Breathe_ ,"

We all stared at Niall like he grew three more heads and a tail, even the nurse. Well at least it shut her up.

"Just kidding, I'm just playing with you. I know who you are, I just don't care." She laughed, making us look at her like _she_ grew three more heads and a tail. I like her, she's got spunk for someone facing international sensations.

She was blonde, blue eyed and had a friendly smile. She looked young though, around 18 or 19, so what was a girl like her doing in a hospital?

"I'm Amelia and I'm 19 by the way, just filling up for my mum while she's sick. Ironic really."

Did she just read my mind?

"Now what can I do for you boys?" She shuffled through papers, her head ducked as she waited for our response.

We all shared a look, trying to out stare the other into asking for information about somebody without seeming like a creepy stalker. Harry cleared his throat and stepped up. Amelia immediately looked up at him, inhaling deeply as if mesmerized by his glory.

"We're looking for a person's file." He said and Amelia tilted her head to the side, confused.

"The police department's that way," She jerked her thumb towards the exit and we laughed at her but she shot us a look that meant she was serious. We all stopped laughing and tried to seem casual about it.

"No actually, we're looking for medical files on this person. Like age, blood type, stuff like that." Zayn spoke up. We all nodded to agree with him but Amelia looked unimpressed.

She gave us an once over and sighed, muttering to herself "I'm going to regret this later, but they are kinda cool for overrated pop stars."

"Hey! We heard that!" I spoke and she just sent me a humorous smile.

"You were supposed to,"

"Right,"

"Anyway, just follow me." Amelia led us inside the clerk's desk and into a room with an off limits sign on the front. She looked left and right dbefore she opened the door and ushered us in.

The room was white walled and a brightly lit place. It slightly looked like a library but instead of shelves there were metal drawers that were vertically aligned from where we stood at the front of the room and they all faced to the right. At least five drawers would be stacked on top of one another, facing another stack of drawers in front of it. There were exactly 27 rows of drawers. And it smelled like well- a hospital, only more papery.

Once we were all inside, she checked to coast one more time before closing the door, turning to us with crossed arms "Now who is it that you're looking for?"

Liam was about to speak up but I stopped him "Actually, we kinda want some privacy. Just tell us the arrangement of the files and we'll knock on the door once we're done, alright love?" I sent her a smile and she just shrugged.

"A's-" She pointed to the right before her finger curved along the wall with the metal drawers against them "-to Z's."

It wasn't too hard.

Amelia tossed us the key to the drawers, which we now realized were all locked "Go crazy,"

We thanked her and she left the room, saying that she would stand guard for us.

"Why didn't you say that we were looking for Sadie, Lou? She could've helped us a lot. We don't even know Sadie's last name." Liam frowned and I just shook my head.

"Don't you remember Li? In one of Sadie's letters, she said that she made friends all of a sudden, but she doesn't trust them enough to tell them that she's writing letters to a Louis Tomlinson." I explained, walking over to the 'A' section.

When I realized how long the aisle actually was from inside, I may have reconsidered asking for help. But I stayed ambitious and I didn't.

• • •

"We seriously need help!" Harry exclaimed, exasperated

I was already starting the 'F' section, since we took one section each and it was easier that way, Harry was still in the 'E' section before me and the rest of the boys were already on sections 'G', 'H' and 'I'. The folders were sorted by last name and we already found at least 3 Sadie's but none of their physical features - there were pictures attached to the folders - matched to my Sadie.

"You don't say," I sighed, running a hand through my hair, slamming one drawer shut. I was empty handed with this section, and very much frustrated.

"How many more do we have to go through?" Niall whined, slamming one drawer shut in the 'H' section.

"18 more at least," Liam replied from where he was in the 'G' section.

"And there are more or less than 20 drawers in each section." Zayn said, shuffling through more files in the 'I' section.

"Screw secrets, I'm asking." Niall huffed, walking over to the door and slightly knocking on it, just in case Amelia had her back against the door to make sure no one came in.

Sure enough, couple seconds later she came in and shut the door behind her. Her arms were crossed but she had a smile on her face. "Done? Already?"

Me and the boys emerged from the shelves and faced Amelia. We shared a look and shook our heads.

"So you need my help." Amelia nodded, understanding "Alright, who is it?"

"Sadie," I spoke up first "Do you know any Sadie's?"

Amelia froze all over. I cursed. She knows her, dammit. Amelia knows the Sadie I'm talking about, and she's probably one of the friends Sadie mentioned in her letters. Louis, you stupid twat. No wait that's Niall's line. Wait for it.

"Louis, you stupid twat." Niall spat thought not all too harshly.

Called it.

"You're the one that needed help!" I argued, crossing my arms. Amelia let out a laugh, the first sound she made since the mention of my penpal's name.

"It's fine, I know her. We swam in her pool without her knowing and we became friends over the weekend so it's fine." Amelia shrugged and walked over to the 'D' section. We followed her in.

"Her last name's Darren."

"How could we have missed that?" I spoke, running an exasperated hand through my hair. I wanted to scream and it looked like the rest of the boys weren't far behind.

"You probably unconsciously skipped the drawer, it's no one's fault."

She opened a drawer and shuffled through the folders for a bit before pulling out one that had ' **DARREN, S. A.** ' on its little fold. She faced us and handed the folder to me.

I held in my breath and opened the folder. The boys curiously looked over my shoulder and the first thing we saw was a 6 x 6 photo of Sadie. She was smiling, obviously, but it looked forced because her eyes held a sadness no one could take away.

But I guess that's why I'm here.

**Full name: Sadie Amanda Darren | M.I. : G. [initials: SAD]**

**Date of birth: September 15, 1993 | Time: 3:06 AM**

**Father: Brent Joshua Darren**

**Mother: Dorothy Grace G. Darren**

**Current Identification (Last checked: 2012):**

**Height: 5'5" (1.65 m)**

**Weigh: 108 lbs (49 kg)**

**Hair Color: Blonde**

**Eye Color: Green**

**Born-with diseases: None**

**Influenced diseases: Schizophrenia**

I stopped reading when I read the last part "I thought she was joking...?" just as Niall grabbed our attention.

"Isn't Brent Darren one of our management that tags along on tour?"

Harry looked up from the file to shush Niall and noticed my distress. He then decided to change the topic "Why isn't there an address?"

Amelia looked up from where she was inspecting her sloes, waiting for us to finish up. She shrugged "I told you to look in the police department."

"We don't collect addresses here, because for one: a stalker can creep in here and take a file out of random and grab their address since we don't have a lock for this room ironically. And two: people tend to change homes once in a while and it gets tiresome to keep track of so we just let the government officials handle that part." Amelia explained.

"But the government is such a hard thing to crack," Whined Niall.

"That's why it's the government, idjit." Snapped Amelia.

"Idjit?" Liam questioned and Amelia looked back down, her cheeks flaming.

" _Supernatural_ reference," She murmured bashfully.

"Ah," He muttered and the room was filled with an awkward silence.

"Wait, God I'm so stupid. You're one of Sadie's friends right?" I interjected, pointing accusingly at Amelia.

"Yeah...?"

"And you told us that you and a couple more of your friends went swimming in _Sadie's_ pool, right?"

"Where is this headed?"

"Then you must know where she lives!" We all exclaimed and Amelia was taken aback.

"Shit,"


	12. Chapter 12

[ _h e r  d i n n e r  d a t e_ ]

• • •

** S A D I E **

I couldn't help but feel like I'm being watched. And it wasn't the good kind of feeling. I lost count of how many times I've looked behind me just to make sure I wasn't followed home. By anybody. I surely didn't want a repeat of last time.

So I just hugged my books closer to my chest and continued on my merry way home, limping a little, but not without making a couple detours this way and there. These routes were ones my parents told me to take after I had been followed home in the past, just to confuse the person following. I wasn't sure if I was really being followed but I was paranoid as hell and apparently my parents were too. Especially after the incident, so they had me trained a little in self-defense.

Why I don't use these moves on my bullies is a whole other reason. I don't want to end up _being_ the bully.

I heard a cat screech behind me and I jumped in my skin. I calmed my breathing but quickened my pace to get out of the alley before taking an abrupt turn to the right just as I was about to leave the hellhole. I bumped into something that made me want to scream, until the person cupped my mouth to ensure that won't be happening and an arm was wrapped around my shoulder to make sure I wasn't going anywhere. My eyes were squeezed shut as I refused to face my kidnapper, but my body wasn't hauled over his shoulder and my eyes weren't blindfolded. Now that made me wonder.

Who was holding me to his chest right now?

I dared to open one eye to face... Kade? What was he doing here? And why was he holding me against his chest? But he wasn't looking at me, he was glaring off behind me at something. His eyes were narrowed and his breathing shallow. I craned my neck to look at whatever he was staring at but his voice cut me off.

"No, don't look." But it was too late.

A man was stiffly walking away from us in the opposite direction, dressed in all black with a black beanie covering his hair. Yet what shook me the most was what I saw glinting at his side. _A gun_. I was being followed by a man with a gun. In an alleyway. With no onlookers. Was it me or did that just sound like the potential crime scene?

My words were caught in my throat as past events flashed before my eyes. A club. A drink. Stumbling home. Two men. An alleyway just like this one. A smelly warehouse where I was kept for ransom. I forced myself to get a grip and not let Katrina in. Not today.

But that didn't mean my panic attacks were controllable. My chest constricted and my vision turned hazy. Wretched sounds escaped my lips as I found a hard time breathing. I sunk to my knees, dragging Kade down with me, still in his hold. My skins grew hot and clammy at the same time and I found myself uncomfortable in my own skin.

That man was about to _shoot_ me. I could've _died_.

"I told you not to look," Kade looked down at me and I blinked back at him, my sight slightly spotted. Two Kades knelt before me. "Sadie?"

I let out an inhumane sound, part groan, part mangled words. Kade held me at arms length then, inspecting my eyes as he gripped my chin, moving my face side-to-side as he checked for any injuries. Suddenly, he enveloped me in a hug and I felt my heart warm at the gesture. I refused the urge to rest my head against his chest, but with the way he held me _to_ his chest, I found it impossible to move away.

"I'm-" I swallowed down a lump in my throat and took a deep breath after holding in my breath for so long. I had to do so to calm the attack down. "I'm fine."

"Are you sure? You look a little pale-"

"I said I'm fine." I snapped before realizing what I had done and lowered my gaze. "M' sorry,"

"It's alright. What were you doing in that alley anyway?" Kade said, wrapping an arm around my shoulder as he hauled me up, my legs still feeling like jelly, forcing me to lean against Kade for support. He maneuvered us away from the mugger, or whatever he was planning on doing to me. We walked down the opposite sidewalk the guy had taken so we wouldn't bump into him any more than we needed to.

"Well, I was walking home, first of all, and I had a feeling someone was watching me or following, I guess. So I decided to take detours my parents taught me to take when I had feelings like these. And this one was going to be the last detour until I found you," I explained, rubbing on my forearm as Kade flagged down a taxi, his arm still around my shoulders.

It felt funny, having a guy wrap his arms around you, even if the situation was to comfort you. I guess I wasn't used to guys do that to me because exhibit a: no guy dared come near me in fear of awakening Emilie's wrath.

So I wondered what in the world was Kade doing, an arm around me, if he knew the consequences to this? Emilie would have his head on a silver platter if any of her minions saw, or if anybody saw really. Rumors spread fast in Doncaster. Especially towards the university. Especially towards Emilie.

I looked around to make sure there was nobody watching this, so that they wouldn't go running to Emilie like the faithful little minions they are, and delicately shook off Kade's arm. But even that came with a consequence, and the consequence was the hurt flashing in his eyes. I swallowed and contemplated if it was the right thing to do. Yet if I hadn't done that, Kade's reputation would become similar to that of an outcast, like me, and I couldn't bear with that if I knew that I had caused it.

"Why are we taking a cab? My house is just-" I said as a taxi park in front of us.

"It's dangerous, Sads. Especially after what happened." Kade opened the back door for me and gestured me inside.

I obliged, thinking Kade would shut the door and I would be alone on the ride home. _Wouldn't be the first time_ , I thought bitterly, but immediately shook that thought out of my head. That was a long time ago, it didn't matter. It never mattered. _He_ never mattered.

Then Kade took me by surprise as he plopped down on the seat next to me. I stared at him as if he grew three heads and a tail before he glanced at me and raised an questioning eyebrow. I cleared my throat and told the driver to head to the Darren Manor.

"Not to be an ass and all, but why are you here?" I asked as the cab started moving. Kade extended his arm behind the seat and the other ran through his hair before he sent me a smile.

"I just want to make sure you got home safe, especially after that guy that was following you with a gun." He sighed. The driver looked up at us through the rear view mirror and I held back the urge to tell him off.

Listening in was rude. But that didn't stop Emilie. Actually now that I think about it, nothing stopped Emilie.

"Okay," I nodded, tilting my head to the side. "But what I really meant was what were you doing standing by the alley?"

Kade stiffened slightly beside me, only a little bit. But if I hadn't been watching him closely then I wouldn't have noticed it.

"I was - it was nothing. I was just strolling around, got tired then leaned against the wall for a drag, is all." Kade shrugged, looking down at his jeans. But I grew suspicious. He couldn't have just gone _strolling around_ , Kade didn't seem like that type of guy. But what did I know? We weren't that close anyway.

After a couple minutes, the taxi parked in front of my house's gates and I realized I needed to insert my pin in order to give the taxi access into my driveway. A very, very long driveway that I wasn't too keen on walking up. Not today.

Today just wasn't a great day. I failed on the pop quiz Humanities had given, along with the impromptu essay that Literature handed out and I had had my lunch spilled all over me because _apparently_ Emilie found out that my posse wasn't with me during that _one_ period. That was just half of the day. The other half was worse, but I wasn't interested in diving back into the memories.

I opened the cab's window and leaned out of it to reach the podium where the keypad stood so I could type in the pin. I had a hard time for the most of it because I was pretty sure I would slip and fall flat on my face. Being half in and half outside of the taxi.

That is until Kade decided to latch onto my waist to keep me steady as I pressed the six numbered code. My cheeks flamed with embarrassment and I could practically hear the driver chuckling, saying something about ' _young love_ '.

I wanted to smack him. He didn't deserve a tip if this was how he acted while I was being thoroughly embarrassed.

It took me at least two tries to get the code right because on the first try, my finger had slipped, accidentally pressing the number below the supposed. Which meant Kade held onto my waist longer than necessary and I was pretty sure my face was identical to a ripe tomato.

The keypad let out a beep and the steel black gates in front of us swung open on its own. The driver audibly sucked in a breath at he got a look at our wide and forest-like garden. I bit back a smug smile and from the corner of my eyes, I could see Kade as well with his mouth agape as he took in the surroundings.

There were at least 5 people that tend to this garden but only during Saturdays. I was quite proud as well that they could make a couple plants, some rocks, soil and turn it into a man made Eden. I'm not kidding, one time reporters flocked our garden and nearly maimed themselves as they tried to catch an exclusive interview with my mom, and near after that this garden was called man made Eden among others. I think I was around 6 years old then, I could give less than a care in the world when paparazzi came around.

But as I grew older, not so much came by. Especially when my parents started taking trips around the globe.

The driver drove a little slower than before but I just put up with it knowing that this was a usual reaction for anyone that's seen my garden for the first time. Although I did wonder why Kade looked at my garden like that, I mean, hasn't he already seen the place?

"I've never seen your front yard before, me and the guys always sneak around back so this is actually a new sight for me." Kade explained, probably catching my perplexed gaze.

So that explains it. I did always wonder if he and the gang ever went through the front but then I realized; they couldn't. There are cameras everywhere and laser beams ever 5 meters about two inches off the ground, during nighttime of course. Ironic how overly protected the front yard is but the backyard is left unguarded and bare. Guess that would be why I never knew about anyone jumping into my pool late at night.

Minutes later, yes the driver drove _that_ slow, we turned around the C shaped drive way with a fountain directly in the middle and parked in front of the front doors. Maids were standing side by side by the entrance and I furrowed my eyebrows, wondering what they were doing. I never let the maids have this sort of grand gesture for me when I arrived home, that would usually be saved for when my parents were home.

My parents.

They're home. I mean, I'm not entirely sure but all signs point to it so it's a possibility.

Before I could open the door of the cab, a footman appeared out of nowhere and opened the door for me. He seemed out of breath but he still managed to bow and greet me "Miss Sadie, welcome home."

I swallowed in my momentary shock and accepted his hand as he led me out of the cab. Now I was pretty sure my parents were home.

I looked behind me to see Kade with his mouth slightly agape. When he caught me staring, he shut his mouth and fumbled to pay the driver but a voice stopped him from doing so.

"No it's alright, young man. I'll take care of this."

Our heads whipped around in time to meet my dad's gaze. He was taking out a couple of euros and handing them through the passenger side's open window. The driver took them, counting them for a while before handing my dad back his change. Me and Kade just stood with our mouths agape. Mine out of the fact that my dad that finally back after a year of doing God knows what and Kade because he was facing one of the richest men on the planet.

"Well Sadie? Aren't you going to introduce me to your friend?" Dad turned to me and I finally snapped out of it, quickly engulfing my dad in a tight hug. Dad chuckled and hugged me even tighter. And I may or may not have shed a tear or two.

Kade slowly climbed out of the taxi, knowing his presence was wanted and it would be rude to leave after dad asked who he was. The driver then drove away as soon as the door was shut.

"So? Who's the guy?" Dad wiggled his eyebrows at me but Kade interrupted.

"Hello sir, I'm Kade Bryan, a friend of Sadie's." They shared a look as they shook hands but I couldn't tell what it was. Probably the overprotective father look, who knows?

"It's getting late, why don't you stay for dinner Kade? My wife's cooking up something real good." Dad said but I had only focused on one word.

"Mum? Mum's here? Both of you at the same time? Seriously?" Before Dad could reply, I dashed into the house and made a beeline for the kitchen. I pushed open the kitchen double doors and saw my mother's red hair before anything else.

"Mum! You're home!" I engulfed her in a tight hug from behind and probably took her by surprise. I felt her let out a laugh as she turned to hug me back.

"'Course I'm home, did you expect us to gone forever?" Mum chuckled squeezing me one last time before letting go to return to her dish.

Used to my parents coming home and leaving and coming home again, I changed the subject and asked what she was cooking. Instead of an answer, I just got one of mom's infamous eyebrow wiggle and wink that indicated that she knew something I didn't.

"It's a new dish I learned abroad, you should be proud."

I smiled widely at this. My mum's cooking was always the best, and was always really exotic or sophisticated. She never failed to have people coming for fourths, and it was always a delight when she learns a new dish.

"I am, mum. And it smells absolutely ravishing." I sniffed the air once more and I could physically feel my stomach gurgle with anticipation. I couldn't wait until this new dish was on a plate in front of me ready to devour.

"Dorothy, we have a surprise guest." My dad burst into the room with a flourish, his arm around Kade's shoulders, and making mUm smile fondly at him. Until she realized his last two words.

"Surprise guest?" Mum exclaimed, eyeing her pot on the stove, probably wondering if it was enough to feed four people. Two of those people making it seem as though they're eating for three (hint: it's not me).

"It's fine! I don't want to be much of a bother, I'm intruding precious family time." Kade swallowed nervously as dad shook his head, lightly chuckling.

"Nonsense, any friend of Sadie's is a friend of the Darren's. Really, you won't be a bother, just eat as much as you want to." My mum swung her hand, as if swatting away that idea down like fly.

I smiled brightly at my mum and grabbed Kade by the wrist, dragging him out into the dining room. The table was fully set, although I felt a little bad that the maids did all the work. Sometimes I think they deserve more appreciation then they have, I mean, there's only 18 of them and yet they can manage this entire house. The number grew the past few months but eh.

"Hey, are you okay eating dinner here? Your parents wouldn't mind would they?" I asked, pointing to one of the chairs next to mine on the dining table.

Dad's chair sat on the head of the table, mum's on its right, me on the left, and today Kade will be sitting next to me. Kade sat down as he thought his reply over on his head.

"Well... I don't really think I'm getting out of here any time soon, and no, my parents won't mind. They're really cool about a lot of things." Kade smiled, ruffling his hair in the process.

I was about to open my mouth to ask him more questions, hoping he was in a answering mood since I wanted to get to know him better, but I was interrupted as a couple of maids walked out of the kitchen, followed by my parents.

The maids carried platters of food while my parents bore proud smiles. I smiled at them, glad to have them back home. I then glanced at the serving plates and licked my lips, dying to taste my mother's amazing cooking.

Mum and dad took their respective seats and nodded encouragingly at us. "Dig in!"


	13. Chapter 13

[ _h e  g o e s  o n  a  d a t_ _e_ ]

• • •

**L O U I S**

"We're gonna get caught, we're gonna get caught , _we're gonna get caught!_ "

"Niall shut up!"

"But we're gonna get caught, Lewis!"

"So? And stop calling me that _Neil_! The other boys are quiet, why aren't you lad?" I snorted, raising an eyebrow at the blonde Irish male who looked freaked out of his wits.

Maybe because we were standing on the balcony of the house just next to where Sadie lives, with nothing to keep us covered from the straight drop but a pair of binoculars. And the binoculars aren't even there to keep us steady, so basically we've got nothing.

"They're probably quiet because they're scared off their wits mate!" Niall practically hollered in my ear. He was staying a good couple meters away from the edge, his face paler than his already pale complexion and the boys weren't too far off that track.

The couple who owns the balcony of the house we're sitting on didn't seem to mind when I told them I was planning something romantic for my "girlfriend" next door and that it was a surprise. They gladly let us in and told us there was a way to the balcony.

But the thing with this balcony was the fact that it practically crept over the walls of the Darren manor. And the land below crept with maids and guards with loaded guns. You'd think a girl with this big of a house wasn't bullied but life tricks you that way.

"Who's that?" Liam suddenly asked, squinting into the binoculars in attempt to get a better look.

"Who's what?" All four of us asked him but instead of getting a reply he just gave us the binoculars.

"Left side of the house, second window, the biggest one with navy blue curtains spread."

We took turns looking into the binoculars, the previous one always ending up wearing a frown on his face. I grew worried by their expressions and hoped it wasn't anything or anyone bad. Harry passed it to Niall then he to Zayn and I was this close to declining the binoculars.

I took a deep breath and looked into the thing. It was a little difficult since the house was huge and the windows looked so clear that I was afraid we might be seen. But I looked through the binoculars and scanned the window Liam directed.

There was a huge dining table and adults sat on the center and right (one of them seeming very familiar), then I saw Sadie's strawberry blonde hair whisked on one side as she conversed with a boy with dark hair next to her. I couldn't see their faces since they were facing away from me but I could tell that they were enjoying themselves and laughing as the adults smiled at them.

"I said it once and I'll say it again: isn't Mr. Darren part of our staff? What's he doing there?" Niall questioned, still looking pale but very confused.

I removed the binoculars that were practically glued to my sockets from the way I held them and handed them back to Liam, rubbing my eyes. I sighed and squinted at the distance, at Sadie's huge ass house.

"I think that _is_ Mr. Darren and I think he's Sadie's father." I stated, feeling pretty sure of myself. I walked back inside the house and motioned the boys to follow. They didn't have time to react as I told my statement, either that or I didn't have the time to see their faces.

As soon as we climbed down, we thanked the couple and waved goodbye at their daughter, Alice, who was sucking on her thumb as she cuddled a teddy bear. We closed the front door and filed into Harry's Range Rover.

"So how about we head home?" Zayn spoke up just as we were driving towards nothing in particular. He sat next to me as I maneuvered the wheel, being the only one in this group legal to drive, and the rest of the boys behind us indulged in their own conversations about life and whatnot.

As if on cue, my phone buzzed and I glanced down to my back pocket. I then asked Zayn if he could grab my phone and read the text. He rolled his eyes and picked up my phone as gingerly as he could without touching my bum. Jackass.

"Bella here space double exclamation point space wondering if you'd like to hang out question mark meet me at the local mcdonalds near the public library smiley face with three smiles." Zayn read aloud. The back seat went quiet and my face burned in embarrassment. I still haven't told the boys about the girl I met at the supermarket and how much I really liked her.

"Louis' going out to meet with a _girl_? What, are we not good enough for your company?" Harry joked, nudging me from behind.

"Getting over El that easily? Thought it would take longer than that, Lou. Guess not," Niall chuckled, wiggling his brows. Zayn was snickering but Liam was deep in thought from what I could see in the rear view mirror. I frowned but refrained from asking what was going on in his little head of his.

"'S alright Lou. Drop yourself off at the food chain and hand me the keys, we'll manage without you." Zayn smiled in support and I smiled back before reverting my eyes back on the road.

"Okay then, Mcdonald's it is." I took a sharp turn that nearly injured everybody fatally and laughed it off afterwards "You lads got insurance, don't you?"

"You better thank the heavens we do!" Liam screeched, gripping tightly on the oh shit handle. I chuckled nervously and drove away.

• • •

"Hey, Bells. Sorry I'm late, the guys got a little rowdy." I slid into the booth in my hoodie and sunglasses, looking no more different than a drug dealer.

Bella looked up in surprise and her eyes widened when she saw my figure before shrinking down to their natural size when she realized it was just me. I smirked at her and she wiped around her mouth after taking a biteful out of a McCheeseburger.

She swallowed. "'S okay," As she opened her mouth again to support that statement, I interrupted her.

"Wotcha doing here anyway?" I said as I folded my hands on top of the table. Bella glanced at them then to my eyes then down to my lips then back to my eyes.

"Well I actually wanted to go for a walk but ended up here so I was like, why not invite Louis?" She shrugged nonchalantly. "Do you want anything?"

I gazed sadly at the burger in Bella's hand then back into Bella's eyes "I can't, I already ate and I'm full. Didn't know I'd end up here later though."

"C'mon, it's on me." She sent me a big smile before taking another bite of her burger.

I stared at her with a look of horror right after that invitation. On her? What did she think of me? A non-chivalrous man with no manners? A man never lets the woman pay, even if it isn't a date. I'd like to follow my ancestors steps thank you very much. I mean, they all got shagged didn't they?

"Thanks but that's not how it works." Bella looked startled so I quickly added "I'm a guy, guys don't let the lass pay."

She blinked, looked down at her burger then back to me before shrugging. She's doing that a lot right now, looking back and forth from things I mean.

"Hey why don't we go to the cinema? There's this new movie I got my eye on since it came out and McDonald's is getting too mainstream." I suggested, jerking my head towards the mall around the bend of the public library right across the street from us.

"And doing the yawn-and-stretch maneuver isn't?" Bella laughed and it was like music to my ears, you just couldn't help but laugh along.

"I promise I'm not that kind of guy." I raised both hands in surrender, smiling cheekily.

So that's how the rest of the day went. We walked down the sidewalk towards the mall, my head ducked as Bella grabbed onto my arm. Whatever we did we made sure that it wasn't to bring attention to ourselves, but nobody could resist not looking at Bella as she past. That's just how she was.

We made it to the cinema area of the mall and bought a huge tub of popcorn for the both of us, which she paid for, and I bought the tickets, a deal I made when Bella bought the popcorn. I would've been fine paying for both though.

We joked and laughed and flirted and it was a mess. But I do remember actually executing the yawn-and-stretch maneuver once the lights in the theater went out which Bella laughed and smacked me upside the head for.

Soon after the movie, when we left the mall it was dark so I escorted Bella on the way towards her house. Her house wasn't too shabby. It was one of those modern beige houses you find on magazines about home lifestyle and things like that.

As we stood in front of Bella's gate, she looked towards me "Thank you for today, I had a great time."

"I hoped you did," I smiled at her before she removed the jacket I put over her shoulder during the long walk from the mall to her house.

As I shrugged on my jean jacket again and turned to leave, Bella had abruptly grabbed onto my forearm. I was pulled back so I looked at her with a wrinkled brow.

"What? Is something wrong?" I asked patiently, taking Bella's hand from my forearm and held it in my hand.

"No, nothing. I was - I had this - I just wasn't sure if this was a date or not, that was mostly what was going through my head the entire day." Bella glanced at my hand holding hers then to the ground where her shoes scuffed the concrete.

She did this the entire day seriously, even in the cinema she'd look at my knees then back at my eyes even when she thought I wasn't looking. I'm not saying it's weird because I don't know the girl yet but I think it's only right for both of us to have questions, right?

If I looked at it right, I would say yeah sure this was a date. I mean we ate lunch, even though I refused to do so, then I took her out for a movie where, on the way, we flirted and laughed and enjoyed ourselves. Then I did the mainstream yawn-and-stretch maneuver just to get her giggling or something. Besides I thought it was cute. Her giggles, I mean.

But I wasn't sure, did she want this to be a date? Or was she just asking cause she was afraid it was because she actually thought of it as a hang out type of thing? I mean I don't mind if that's what she thought of it and all but I honestly don't know what to say. Is it a date or not?

I have to get this right because I could end up puncturing her feelings then I'd have to deal with Bella's dad chasing my ass with a shot gun. I don't know if you were allowed guns in Doncaster but for dad's with daughters over 14, I think it's a necessary material to have near you.

So I think I'll stay safe. And free of bullet punctures thank you very much.

"I guess you can say it's a date." I shrugged, seeming to appear blatant and laid back and all.

Bella smiled wide and pecked me on the cheek "I'm glad it is," before she skipped towards her front door.

I stood still on her property with my face still evident with shock. I didn't expect her to be so gutsy and go ahead to do that. I mean, this is the first date and all. I thought girls abide by the rule that you don't go first base on your first date.

I guess I was wrong, with this girl anyway. Long story short, I didn't get much sleep that night, especially after the boys kept bugging me to spill the juicy beans or something like that.

God, they can be such girls when they want to.


	14. Chapter 14

[ _s h e ' s  p a t c h e d  u p_ ]

• • •

** S A D I E **

1 more year, Sadie. Just one more year of this torture and you can kiss all your bullies' scrawny asses goodbye.

This is what I always tell myself every time I get a punch to the stomach or a kick to the ribs. Just push through, you're numb, nothing can hurt you anymore. Every time I know that this, _this_ particular kick is going to leave a nasty bruise, or that that seemingly unnecessary insult is going to be stowed away in a little box I have at the darkest parts of my mind, I always encourage myself to push through, that I'll be gone in a year and there wouldn't be anymore of this.

But today, it's somewhat different. I mean, I still get the beat ups; it's what happens _after_ that seemed to differ. Like right now.

I was being pushed around harshly by a couple of football varsity members that just needed to beat someone up after their loss to the rival university. Apparently I'm to blame for their downfall. As if.

Maybe if their plays weren't so predictable then we could win by a landslide, but our coach sucks and that's that. I guess because you can't beat up a grown adult without facing the severe consequences, I'm next best.

Just as they finished up with me, I was left on the football field to cradle my broken arm - beat ups weren't all this violent but let me remind you that this is _college_ , not high school. High school would seem like nap time compared to this monstrosity - and blow on my burnt skin - I was dragged all the way from the halls out here. Not to mention that one of them was rude enough to spit on me, which I was wiping away from my eye right now. I mean, I get the broken arm and all but was the game _that_ bad that you had to _spit_ on me? How downright disrespectful.

Back to the topic. Just as the varsity team was walking away from me and disappeared inside the school, I vaguely saw two silhouettes running towards me with their hands filled with things I couldn't see all that clearly due to the spit I was still wiping from my eye.

Finally, the two people reached me and immediately crouched by my side. With my being lightheaded and crushed glasses - I just happened to be using my reading glasses during the time of beat up - I couldn't see what they were doing to my injuries. But I could see that it was Amelia and Chad that were doing whatever they were doing.

"What are...?" I tried to say, but ended up wheezing because of the pain in my abdomen due to the numerous times they hit me there.

But Amelia seemed to get it. "We're patching you up,"

I almost cried tears of joy. I never had people 'patch me up' before and even though this was a simple gesture, I couldn't help but feel somewhat cared for. I don't know these people for long but they still took the time to look out for me.

Not to mention the fact that as soon as the football players left, they came running up to my wounded self.

I mean, how did they even know about it?

"Alright, the broken arm is out of our hands." Chad snorted at the irony, but Amelia glared at him and continued. "We're going to have to take you to the nu-"

"No, no nurse. She has close ties with my mum. Shit, I forgot my mum's home." I shut my eyes at my stupidity and carelessness. I opened them again and looked at Amelia. "Can-can I stay over at yours?"

I managed to ask the question even though it pains me to stay away from home even for just one night. My parents weren't here a lot and times like these are the only times I get to see them and spend time with them.

Amelia nodded, casting me a sympathetic look. "My mum's a nurse, and I doubt she knows your mum so it's cool. But I don't think I could pull an impromptu sleepover tonight, sorry."

I grimaced.

"Can you walk?" Chad asked me.

I nervously glanced at my knee, Chad caught the look. "Great, your knee probably worsened didn't it?"

I struggled to sit up, holding my arm to my chest, propping my good leg up to balance myself. I did all this while, wheezing and grunting in pain.

Chad pinched his nose and closed his eyes. "Those bastards," He dropped his hand and balled up both his fists.

I blinked at him. Why was he getting so aggravated towards my injuries? I mean, I've had worse the past 2 years, and he probably didn't care then. We didn't even _know_ each other then. I get that he's now my friend and all -it's still weird calling him that- but we've been friends for only a week or so, I don't see what all the fuss is about honestly.

"Help me get her on her good leg," Amelia nodded at my right leg that came out of this fight, and the previous one, without any major damage.

I can't say the same thing about my left though, with my injured knee and all. I had refused to wear a cast or use crutches because I didn't want to cause a scene at home. And Chad was right, my knee did worsen. It was like it was freshly stomped on again, maybe worse.

I held my right arm to my chest, trying not to stress it so much because I might loose more blood then I am now, as Chad inserted his arms under my armpits to pull me up. Ameila made sure that my leg was okay all the way.

God, they deserve so much credit right now.

• • •

"Oh God! What happened?"

That was Mrs. Taslow's first initial reaction to my injuries. Not that great of a first impression but hey, it's not like I have much control over the situation. I like to think my bullies decide my fate from time to time.

"I got- got hit by a car. Hit and run," I explained, gritting my teeth as Mrs. Taslow led me to the dining table, told me to lay on it, and relax. Well I can't, can I? With a broken arm and a severely bruised leg, probably a nasty black eye too.

"Whoever drove that car seriously has a poor excuse for a brain," Mrs. Taslow shook her head in disapproval and she examined my arm, which she straightened after she slipped on latex gloves.

Then she told me to close my eyes and keep them closed, so I couldn't help but try to fall asleep. I ignored the pain the first couple minutes but couldn't help wincing from time to time. I could feel Chad and Amelia's presence hovering over me worriedly, I couldn't help but smile before actually drifting off.

Some time later, someone softly tapped me on the cheek, bring me out from my reverie. I gazed up confusedly and blinked a couple times to get used to the light hanging directly above me. Ameila and Chad weren't anywhere near to be found and I frowned.

Mrs. Taslow smiled sympathetically at me as she moved away the hovering light from my face. I realized it was a lamp and slowly sat up. I also realized that the pain from my arm and my leg tremendously lessened and I looked up at Mrs. Taslow for an explanation.

"Why don't I feel a lot of pain right now?" I asked, rubbing my forehead but wincing as I accidentally bumped my thump against the bruise around my eye.

"I injected a little sedative into you, added a little anesthesia to your arm. Both injuries weren't anything serious but from now on I suggest looking both ways when crossing the street," She winked at me, but I could see that she doesn't need _me_ to be careful, she needs assholes who would even think of inducing a hit and run to stay in their lane.

It would be heart warming to see her care if I'd really been hit by a car. But it was just mean ol' bullies. Although it might as well be the same thing, the pain both would cause are actually really similar.

"Is she good?" Chad walked into the room then, carrying a glass of water. He smiled at me as he handed me the glass. I smiled back before downing the entire glass like mad.

"In case you were referring to the girl with the broken arm who is now conscious and is in this room as you talk about her like she isn't then yes, I'm peachy." I sarcastically beamed up at Chad and he rolled his eyes at me.

"Thank goodness you're okay!" My side was tackled by a pair of arms and it took all of my yin and yang not to scream out in pain. Guess my side isn't all that healed. "Sh-" Amelia quickly glanced at her mum "-iz! Sorry, sorry, sorry!" She immediately lets go of me and stands a couple feet away.

I cringed at the left over pain, but waved it away like it was nothing anyway "I'm fine."

_Lies._

• • •

I'm in my bedroom, with a cast holding my arm to my chest and another cast around my knee to ensure I don't go bumping it against the edges of tables and railings. Not that I told Mrs. Taslow that I planned to anyway. Not that it would matter.

Not that it took me an hour to stealthily climb up to my window to avoid my parents and how they'll possibly react towards my broken arm and leg. _A broken arm and leg_.

Christ, if I were them I'd grab my steel baseball bat and chase down whoever did this to my daughter. Which is what I fear because they'll do that exactly. But I can't let it get out that I have one of the richest pairings in the world, or that my parents are actually willing to stand up for me; two grown adults fighting for their daughter who's nearly graduating college. I'll be bullied even more. I'll be hurt more. I don't want to get hurt anymore.

To get my mind off of things I decide to reach and grab the remote control off of my nightstand and flick on the TV, hoping to find something interesting to keep me awake. And sure as hell I did. There are over 480 channels on English television and I just so happened to land on the most American one; E! News.

" _... was spotted yesterday at McDonald's back in his hometown, Doncaster, with a lovely blonde lady that accompanied him, no doubt the directioners are going berserk about it right about now._ " The hostess laughed, the backdrop being a photo of a brunette boy and a blonde girl sitting in a booth by the window in plain sight.

And the photographer clearly took the photo from a certain angle where I could never misinterpret the subjects as someone else and one of those is my one and only pen pal; Louis Tomlinson. Right next to him? That would no doubt be one of my _friends_ named Bella. It was obviously her because of the braided bracelet she always wears and never takes off is wrapped around her wrist.

There was only one thought going through my mind then and there; what the hell is Louis doing with Bella? In McDonald's? _Alone_?

I sat up straighter in my place on the bed and tugged my laptop towards me. I opened it and immediately typed in _Louis and mystery girl_ with this year's date. The results were endless, and the news just got released.

God, the internet's good.

To try and put ease to my brain and not send Katrina into a massive hissy fit, I had to research about the article. Just a shot in the dark to see if maybe there were dozens of blonde girls that wear braided bracelets all the time.

I clicked on images of _Louis and mystery girl_ and got the shock of my life. Well, not exactly since I don't get shocked this often but. The entire page was filled with Louis and Bella's faces, at the grocery, walking down the street casually, and at McDonald's.

I don't really know how you manage to take millions of photos of the same pair in three different places and get different results every time. Right now, Katrina is screaming into my head, that _you're so worthless even Louis goes and hangs out with your 'friends'! You were totally not invited to go to McDonald's with Louis because you're being an insecure brat!_

Tears prickled my eyes and I bit down so hard on my bottom lip that I was sure I drew blood.

_You're worthless. You're minuscule. You'll never be good enough. Nobody cares about your fat ass. You're parents aren't always around because you always scare them away. They don't love you. Nobody does. So stop fooling yourself!_

_So stop fooling yourself!_


	15. Chapter 15

[ _s h e  s n e a k s  o u t_ ]

• • •

**S A D I E**

"Yes, she's home... A leg and an arm?... Yes, yes, no fuss, got it... Are you bossing _me_ around, young man?... Yes, I understand... Alright, but I expect you to be closer to her these next few days... Good, good... Don't let any harm come to my daughter, you hear?... We'll keep in touch."

The sound of my father's voice outside my door was no big issue. But when he spoke of my broken arm and leg, I knew it would be. I pushed myself in a sitting position just as my dad knocked on my door.

"Come in!" My voice was groggy, having just woken up from my nap. My dad peeked into the room and smiled tensely at me. I returned the favor.

"Good, you're awake." He walked in and shut the door behind him, clearing his throat as he sat on the edge of my bed. I tried to think of possibilities on how this would go down, but before I could land on anything concrete, dad made up my mind for me.

"Is there... is there anything you want to tell me?"

Straight to the point, then. Dad was treating me like one of his meetings. Not that I've been to any of them, but I could assume that that was how he treated them. If his job even had the need for meetings.

He was looking pointedly at my arms and legs, and I knew just what he expected to hear from me. But I didn't want to say anything, so I just kept staring at the far wall with my mouth clamped. My arms and legs were thoroughly covered by the blanket and he wouldn't get to see my injuries unless he wanted to go down with a fight.

"Sadie? Honey, please tell me what's going on." My dad begged. I hated seeing him this way, it broke my heart, knowing that my unresponsiveness was breaking his.

I wanted nothing more than to hug him and let everything out, but I had my reasons just as much as he has his for keeping even the simplest of things. Things like telling me where he goes to when he goes abroad. He just leaves me here with the idea that it's all purely work, and not that he goes away for an extensive time to get away from me.

And I hate it. I hate that that's the way I think. That I'm so spoiled because of course I would think that he's leaving _me_. Not mum, or the country, no, _me_. There's never a time where I think that he's away to provide a good and steady life for us.

Just like there's never a time where I think that one of my friends are simply too busy with schoolwork instead of immediately assuming they hate spending time with me. There's never a time where I think that no one wants to partner up with me simply because they have closer friends and I don't, because I think they all despise me.

It's all in my head and I hate that I know it.

"No, dad. There isn't anything I want to tell you." I blurt out before I can make a sturdy decision, and I can see the pain visibly in my father's eyes.

It hurts to see his daughter struggling this way. Well past over high school, nearly 20 years old and yet she still gets yelled at and pushed over by people. Just like her first year as a teenager.

"But..."

I hesitated. I wasn't going to tell him anything, but that little conversation outside struck my curiosity. I could see the hope in my dad's eyes, hoping that I would tell him about something he already knows. But I plan on hiding this from him as much as I could.

I didn't want to be a burden, they already have too much on their shoulders.

"Who was that you were talking to outside?" I could see the light fade away and in its stead, stress replaced it. I cringed, wondering if that was my fault.

He stood up "It was nobody. Just a man that works for me, is all."

As much as I didn't believe that, I kept too many things from him and mum already, another small secret won't hurt right? It's not like my head is going to explode or anything.

_You see? With everything you've kept from him, he's starting to keep more from you._

_This little secret he's keeping? It isn't as small as you think._

_Just because he's your dad doesn't mean he actually loves you._

_If he loved you, he'd tell you things._

_Like where he goes when he's at work._

My bottom lip trembled and I just nodded, not sure if I'm agreeing to Katrina or if I'm acknowledging my dad's statement. When he left my room, I flung my glasses off my face and furiously rubbed at my eyes. I refused to cry, I spent too many days crying.

Instead, I just pulled out this week's homework and worked on it. I concentrated on aiming my frustration there rather than feeding Katrina with all my worthless thoughts.

• • •

I sneaked out.

Yep, a girl with two broken limbs managed to sneak out of the house undetected, despite her metal crutches making such a racket. I was so pathetic sometimes even my own brain refused to acknowledge it.

I was currently seated on a yellow swing at the local park, my legs, both broken and not, were gently pushing my back and forth slowly. The worst thing? I was dressed in nothing but long-sleeved pajamas and Ugg boots. With nothing material but my phone and my crutches.

I was deep in thought, staring up steadily at the falling snow. I didn't mind the chill I get every time the breeze goes by, or when one of the snowflakes directly hits my eye. I just blink and let it pass.

I wished it was that easy with the pain I experience in life, though.

I was startled beyond belief when my cellphone started blasting a high pitched tune. I nearly fell off my swing if I wasn't holding on. I swore and reach into my pocket, pulling out my phone which was flashing Chad's name angrily.

"Sadie." I answered in a quipped tone, irritated that he interrupted my me-time. I couldn't go swimming obviously, and the last time I did was probably going to be my last till' summer.

" _Where the hell are you_?" Chad's voice quipped back in the same tone, but much, much, harsher. I winced at it and breathed heavily.

Why the _fuck_ was _he_ getting mad? He wasn't involved in my personal life last time I checked. Did I have to ask Chad for permission every time I wanted out? And who was interrupting whose me-time here?

"What crawled up your ass and died?" I scowled and, then and there, decided that I liked 2 A.M. Sadie.

"Sorry, sorry," Chad responded, sounding like he was rubbing the back of his neck. It was practically obvious with the static I'm hearing from the other side. At least that's what I'm hoping he's doing. That that's all he's doing.

"And what does it matter to you to know my whereabouts, McFields?"

"2 A.M. Sadie does not sound happy, may I ask why?"

"I know, I like this Sadie more. And no, you may not. Again, what does it matter anyway?"

"Everything."

It was a whisper. I waited for a more proper reply but soon figured out that I would be getting none. Besides, the guilt was eating my insides.

"Please, Sads."

Another whisper. It sounded heartbreaking. I got scared and panicked.

"The local playground." I whispered, feeling utterly defeated.

" _You're outside_?"

There goes my ear drums. Looks like I'll be moving to that little school for the deaf people down the road soon.

There was loud shuffling, and swearing, and a bit of panting, too much that it made me feel dirty, before he eventually hung up. Now all I had to do was wait.

I hung me head back and let the snow attack my face. For some odd reason, I'm not at all bothered by the chilling cold. Usually I was, but I guess this week was... different.

"Christ, Sadie, do you have a death wish?" A voice startled my eyes open. I gazed up towards Chad's sympathetic gaze as he wrapped me in the extra trench coat he brought. How long had it been? Probably minutes, or hours. I wasn't really paying attention. Me-time, remember?

"Maybe," I shrugged, accepting the warmth.

Chad took my crutches under his arm and helped me off the swing, wrapping an arm around my waist to keep me leveled. I swung my good arm across his shoulder and sighed sadly as we took off in the direction of my house.

"Why did you care, Chad?" I asked, looking up softly into Chad's eyes. He met my gaze, grumbled, and lowered it.

"I might as well tell you shouldn't I? It's probably going to be pretty obvious from now on anyway. I'm-"

He was interrupted by my parents of course. Who were running down the street in nothing but robes and whatever they had underneath. Chad gazed at them in wonder, then at me, then back to them.

"I think it's in the family." I snickered.

Only us Darrens would think of running into the snow head first with no gear for it.

"Sadie! Oh Sadie love. Why would you run off like that? I was just checking up on you and you weren't in your room or in the bathroom! Where did you go?" My mother rambled, throwing her hands in the air.

All three of us were calm and collected in the snow, as if we were dressed truly warmly for the weather. Whereas Chad was shivering in his t-shirt, sweater, coat, and gloves.

"I was just at the park, mom. Till' this lad decided to disrupt my me-time." I threw Chad a look, which he replied with with a raised eyebrow.

"Oh dear Chad! You must be freezing!" Mum urged Chad to our warm home across the street. I watched dad with curious eyes as he hadn't said a single word since my arrival.

"Freezing? You sure about that?" He glanced warily at our attire which we all chuckled at. "I think I'll be fine after a cup of hot cocoa."

"It runs in the family," Me, mum, and dad spoke up in unison when Chad gave us another once over as we were crossing the street.

• • •

"I'll walk you out," I stood before the front door, patiently waiting for Chad to slip into his boots while I shrugged on a fur coat. Chad nodded at me and thanked my parents once more for their hospitality and for the hot cocoa.

Once we were out and I was in my own boots, I engaged in conversation; which is a first.

"Why did you care?" I glared at the ground, cursing at myself for such a question. It made me sound so desperate in this moment it hurts.

Chad shot me a weird-slash-startled look as if he couldn't believe I'd ask such a question. He's right, it was stupid. But I clamped my mouth shut anyways, awaiting his reply.

"Simply because you're my _friend_ , Sads. And friends care for each other."

But with the way he avoided my eyes and tried to look towards the snow as nonchalantly as possible, it made the lie detecting hairs on my arms stand and made Katrina scream _false!_ _false!_ _liar! he's a damn liar!_ over and over and over like a broken record.

It was then that it me; I didn't tell mum his name. She figured it out all by herself, and she's never met the guy.

 _Oh, Chad. What are you hiding?_   


	16. Chapter 16

[ _s h e  s n e a k s  o u t_ ]

• • •

**S A D I E**

"Yes, she's home... A leg and an arm?... Yes, yes, no fuss, got it... Are you bossing _me_ around, young man?... Yes, I understand... Alright, but I expect you to be closer to her these next few days... Good, good... Don't let any harm come to my daughter, you hear?... We'll keep in touch."

The sound of my father's voice outside my door was no big issue. But when he spoke of my broken arm and leg, I knew it would be. I pushed myself in a sitting position just as my dad knocked on my door.

"Come in!" My voice was groggy, having just woken up from my nap. My dad peeked into the room and smiled tensely at me. I returned the favor.

"Good, you're awake." He walked in and shut the door behind him, clearing his throat as he sat on the edge of my bed. I tried to think of possibilities on how this would go down, but before I could land on anything concrete, dad made up my mind for me.

"Is there... is there anything you want to tell me?"

Straight to the point, then. Dad was treating me like one of his meetings. Not that I've been to any of them, but I could assume that that was how he treated them. If his job even had the need for meetings.

He was looking pointedly at my arms and legs, and I knew just what he expected to hear from me. But I didn't want to say anything, so I just kept staring at the far wall with my mouth clamped. My arms and legs were thoroughly covered by the blanket and he wouldn't get to see my injuries unless he wanted to go down with a fight.

"Sadie? Honey, please tell me what's going on." My dad begged. I hated seeing him this way, it broke my heart, knowing that my unresponsiveness was breaking his.

I wanted nothing more than to hug him and let everything out, but I had my reasons just as much as he has his for keeping even the simplest of things. Things like telling me where he goes to when he goes abroad. He just leaves me here with the idea that it's all purely work, and not that he goes away for an extensive time to get away from me.

And I hate it. I hate that that's the way I think. That I'm so spoiled because of course I would think that he's leaving _me_. Not mum, or the country, no, _me_. There's never a time where I think that he's away to provide a good and steady life for us.

Just like there's never a time where I think that one of my friends are simply too busy with schoolwork instead of immediately assuming they hate spending time with me. There's never a time where I think that no one wants to partner up with me simply because they have closer friends and I don't, because I think they all despise me.

It's all in my head and I hate that I know it.

"No, dad. There isn't anything I want to tell you." I blurt out before I can make a sturdy decision, and I can see the pain visibly in my father's eyes.

It hurts to see his daughter struggling this way. Well past over high school, nearly 20 years old and yet she still gets yelled at and pushed over by people. Just like her first year as a teenager.

"But..."

I hesitated. I wasn't going to tell him anything, but that little conversation outside struck my curiosity. I could see the hope in my dad's eyes, hoping that I would tell him about something he already knows. But I plan on hiding this from him as much as I could.

I didn't want to be a burden, they already have too much on their shoulders.

"Who was that you were talking to outside?" I could see the light fade away and in its stead, stress replaced it. I cringed, wondering if that was my fault.

He stood up "It was nobody. Just a man that works for me, is all."

As much as I didn't believe that, I kept too many things from him and mum already, another small secret won't hurt right? It's not like my head is going to explode or anything.

_You see? With everything you've kept from him, he's starting to keep more from you._

_This little secret he's keeping? It isn't as small as you think._

_Just because he's your dad doesn't mean he actually loves you._

_If he loved you, he'd tell you things._

_Like where he goes when he's at work._

My bottom lip trembled and I just nodded, not sure if I'm agreeing to Katrina or if I'm acknowledging my dad's statement. When he left my room, I flung my glasses off my face and furiously rubbed at my eyes. I refused to cry, I spent too many days crying.

Instead, I just pulled out this week's homework and worked on it. I concentrated on aiming my frustration there rather than feeding Katrina with all my worthless thoughts.

• • •

I sneaked out.

Yep, a girl with two broken limbs managed to sneak out of the house undetected, despite her metal crutches making such a racket. I was so pathetic sometimes even my own brain refused to acknowledge it.

I was currently seated on a yellow swing at the local park, my legs, both broken and not, were gently pushing my back and forth slowly. The worst thing? I was dressed in nothing but long-sleeved pajamas and Ugg boots. With nothing material but my phone and my crutches.

I was deep in thought, staring up steadily at the falling snow. I didn't mind the chill I get every time the breeze goes by, or when one of the snowflakes directly hits my eye. I just blink and let it pass.

I wished it was that easy with the pain I experience in life, though.

I was startled beyond belief when my cellphone started blasting a high pitched tune. I nearly fell off my swing if I wasn't holding on. I swore and reach into my pocket, pulling out my phone which was flashing Chad's name angrily.

"Sadie." I answered in a quipped tone, irritated that he interrupted my me-time. I couldn't go swimming obviously, and the last time I did was probably going to be my last till' summer.

" _Where the hell are you_?" Chad's voice quipped back in the same tone, but much, much, harsher. I winced at it and breathed heavily.

Why the _fuck_ was _he_ getting mad? He wasn't involved in my personal life last time I checked. Did I have to ask Chad for permission every time I wanted out? And who was interrupting whose me-time here?

"What crawled up your ass and died?" I scowled and, then and there, decided that I liked 2 A.M. Sadie.

"Sorry, sorry," Chad responded, sounding like he was rubbing the back of his neck. It was practically obvious with the static I'm hearing from the other side. At least that's what I'm hoping he's doing. That that's all he's doing.

"And what does it matter to you to know my whereabouts, McFields?"

"2 A.M. Sadie does not sound happy, may I ask why?"

"I know, I like this Sadie more. And no, you may not. Again, what does it matter anyway?"

"Everything."

It was a whisper. I waited for a more proper reply but soon figured out that I would be getting none. Besides, the guilt was eating my insides.

"Please, Sads."

Another whisper. It sounded heartbreaking. I got scared and panicked.

"The local playground." I whispered, feeling utterly defeated.

" _You're outside_?"

There goes my ear drums. Looks like I'll be moving to that little school for the deaf people down the road soon.

There was loud shuffling, and swearing, and a bit of panting, too much that it made me feel dirty, before he eventually hung up. Now all I had to do was wait.

I hung me head back and let the snow attack my face. For some odd reason, I'm not at all bothered by the chilling cold. Usually I was, but I guess this week was... different.

"Christ, Sadie, do you have a death wish?" A voice startled my eyes open. I gazed up towards Chad's sympathetic gaze as he wrapped me in the extra trench coat he brought. How long had it been? Probably minutes, or hours. I wasn't really paying attention. Me-time, remember?

"Maybe," I shrugged, accepting the warmth.

Chad took my crutches under his arm and helped me off the swing, wrapping an arm around my waist to keep me leveled. I swung my good arm across his shoulder and sighed sadly as we took off in the direction of my house.

"Why did you care, Chad?" I asked, looking up softly into Chad's eyes. He met my gaze, grumbled, and lowered it.

"I might as well tell you shouldn't I? It's probably going to be pretty obvious from now on anyway. I'm-"

He was interrupted by my parents of course. Who were running down the street in nothing but robes and whatever they had underneath. Chad gazed at them in wonder, then at me, then back to them.

"I think it's in the family." I snickered.

Only us Darrens would think of running into the snow head first with no gear for it.

"Sadie! Oh Sadie love. Why would you run off like that? I was just checking up on you and you weren't in your room or in the bathroom! Where did you go?" My mother rambled, throwing her hands in the air.

All three of us were calm and collected in the snow, as if we were dressed truly warmly for the weather. Whereas Chad was shivering in his t-shirt, sweater, coat, and gloves.

"I was just at the park, mom. Till' this lad decided to disrupt my me-time." I threw Chad a look, which he replied with with a raised eyebrow.

"Oh dear Chad! You must be freezing!" Mum urged Chad to our warm home across the street. I watched dad with curious eyes as he hadn't said a single word since my arrival.

"Freezing? You sure about that?" He glanced warily at our attire which we all chuckled at. "I think I'll be fine after a cup of hot cocoa."

"It runs in the family," Me, mum, and dad spoke up in unison when Chad gave us another once over as we were crossing the street.

• • •

"I'll walk you out," I stood before the front door, patiently waiting for Chad to slip into his boots while I shrugged on a fur coat. Chad nodded at me and thanked my parents once more for their hospitality and for the hot cocoa.

Once we were out and I was in my own boots, I engaged in conversation; which is a first.

"Why did you care?" I glared at the ground, cursing at myself for such a question. It made me sound so desperate in this moment it hurts.

Chad shot me a weird-slash-startled look as if he couldn't believe I'd ask such a question. He's right, it was stupid. But I clamped my mouth shut anyways, awaiting his reply.

"Simply because you're my _friend_ , Sads. And friends care for each other."

But with the way he avoided my eyes and tried to look towards the snow as nonchalantly as possible, it made the lie detecting hairs on my arms stand and made Katrina scream _false!_ _false!_ _liar! he's a damn liar!_ over and over and over like a broken record.

It was then that it me; I didn't tell mum his name. She figured it out all by herself, and she's never met the guy.

 _Oh, Chad. What are you hiding?_   


	17. Chapter 17

[ _s h e ' s  f o l l o w e d_ _p a r t  I I_ ]

• • •

** S A D I E **

I wanted to strangle Bella.

Just dive across the table and choke the hell out of her. I couldn't believe it. The one time I'm spending time with the group, Bella ruins it by being in her Won-Won(Harry Potter reference).

As soon as Louis' and my eyes met, an ice cold feeling washed over me, exactly like the feeling I got when I first met him at the playground. But back then, he didn't know who I was and I wasn't keen on telling him.

But now. Now I'm screwed.

"Sadie?" His face was so flabbergasted that I wanted to take a picture of it and set it as my lock screen.

I also desperately wanted to run like death itself was onto me. But I couldn't because Kade was right next to me, blocking me from properly sprinting, and Louis was at the foot of the table blocking, well, everything.

_Tsk, tsk, tsk._

_You see what you've set yourself up for?_

Now's not really the time to be guilt talking me, Katrina.

_Why shouldn't I? It's fun to see you so agitated._

You know what's really fun? Slapping the shit out of you. But I can't because you don't exist.

_Who says so? Who says I don't exist? What if I do?_

Then I'd slap the shit out of you, clean your ears once in a while. You're so focused on me, you never have time for yourself.

_I AM YOU, YOU FUCKTWAT._

I visibly winced, causing Chad and Kade to gaze curiously at me. Louis stared on like he knew what was going on. He probably did.

Bella looked between me and Louis, wondering what the hell was going on between us. I could tell she's cooking up some suspicions already. And that's exactly what I wanted to avoid.

I got an idea, and jumped in my seat for effect. I whipped out my phone and acted as though I was reading a text from my mother. My eyes widened as I tapped ferociously on the screen. Kade started leaning towards me.

"What's-"

I looked up. "Sorry guys, my mom texted; says there's something's going on at home. Pretty urgent."

I stopped up and struggled to get past Kade. My cheeks flared as I passed his lap. Louis kept staring at me, not making any sudden movements towards me; like I was some sort of time bomb. Might as well be.

As I passed Louis, I made the mistake of looking into his eyes. That seemed to wake him up. He grabbed my wrist and I could see Chad starting to stand in my peripheral view.

"Sadie, why-"

"I gotta go, Louis."

I pulled my arm free and speed-walked the hell out of there. As I left the restaurant doors, I bumped into four people that were shocked to see me.

"Sadie? What are you-"

I cut them off by running down the street. The doors chimed behind me, and I ran harder, tears blurring my vision.

"Sadie! Sadie! _Sadie_!"

I kept running. I wasn't ready to face them. I wasn't ready to face _him_. Just as much as I wasn't ready to see Kai. Now _that_ was a face I'm willing to burn out of my mind.

I rubbed my eyes, hoping to get a clear view of the pavement below me. Can't be tripping over strollers or running face-first into poles, can we?

Looking back, the boys were chasing me, along with someone else, but my eyes were so fucked up I couldn't see jack. I knew I should've gotten actual glasses. But from the pattern I could distinctly see on the newcomer, it was Chad.

Why was he with them? What does he have anything to do with them? Why were Louis and his friends so keen on interrogating me? Why me? Why _now_?

I saw my detour route and dove straight into it. The boys weren't too far behind and they could catch up anytime. I didn't want that. I didn't want any of this. I wasn't ready.

I ran right then left, straight, on and on. I had to lose them, I had to. When I was sure I lost them, they'd just pop up around the corner and I'd trip over my own feet to get away.

Suddenly, the last alleyway was just up ahead and my house wouldn't be too far away. I sped things up. I _could not_ let Louis know where I lived. I was having a hard time already just avoiding him in public, I sure as hell couldn't avoid him in my own home.

So I decided to take the back entrance.

There wasn't one of course, but Kade showed me where they sneak in every night they wanted a swim. It was just after the impromptu guest arrival of Kade and to be completely honest, it was totally romantic in a sneaky teenage spy movie way. He hauled me up by the waist and-

 _No_. Bad Sadie. Now is so not the time to develop a crush, maybe when you're married, maybe never, _not_ _now_. With so many things going on in your life, there's never time for romance. Look how well your first relationship turned out.

_I must admit, I quite liked Kai._

I did not ask, and I do not need to be reminded. It's because of him that I got you.

_Aren't you lucky._

I ran down the street, opposite of my house and turned left, running down a completely different road. There were houses to my left that completely blocked the back wall, but there were spaces in between each house to get through.

I ran through one of those spaces and ran past people's back yard before I came face to face with a miniature forest. I looked back, not hearing anymore of the boys' commotion, and went into the forest.

I jumped over logs and rocks, and for a second it felt like I was in a sci-fi movie, where I was the main character and I was invincible. I reached the red brick wall that ran for who knows how long on either directions and climbed over as quick as I could with one arm out of commission.

How I got the stamina for all this when I skipped breakfast and didn't each lunch was a mystery to me. I jumped down the remaining meters as soon as I crossed the wall. I straightened myself, dusting my sleeves and whatnot before I practically collapsed on the ground.

My knees were shaking and my fingers were trembling. My injured knee was fine so I no longer needed crutches but it seems to me after this I'm gonna need some.

"Madam? Madam! Nagunsa naman ka dira, madam?" One of my Filipino maids exited the back door with an empty basket in hand, probably to take down the dry clothes off the line. She dropped the basket and came running to my aid, asking what I was doing here.

"Asan si mama at papa? Naguli na sila?" I asked where my mum and dad were and if they were home. I wasn't all that great with my Filipino, but I was learning(I had to, the number of Filipino maids I have beats the number of U.S. presidents).

"Wala pa, nano? Kailangan mo ba sila?" The maid, Charivel, asked. She asked _not yet, why? Do you need them?_

I ferociously shook my head, making my head throb. I just sat with my head against the wall, my chest rising up and down with the quick breaths I was taking.

I closed my eyes, and fatigue overcame me.

I faintly heard Chairvel utter "Hay naku," before passing out.

• • •

When my eyes opened, I braced myself for the scolding I was going to get from my parents. But the person that sat next to me was the person I totally wasn't expecting, though at least it wasn't Louis.

"What are you doing here?" I frowned, shooting him a confused look, but he still sat there like it was totally his business to be here.

"Watching over you," He replied, confusing me all the more.

"I don't need a babysitter." I scowled, shifting all the way across my bed. But Chad took that as an invitation to properly sit on the bed, and he did, much to my discomfort.

"Well, after that escapade a little while ago, it looks like you do." He smirked and I rolled my eyes. "Kade's looking for you by the way."

"Tell him where I am." I shrugged and Chad raised his eyebrows at me, a little miffed at my nonchalance.

"You don't want me in the room but you want Kade's company?"

"Sorry, did I hurt your ego?"

"Oh shut up." He checked his watch and glanced at the open windows. "And it's not even 2 A.M. yet, why are you acting this way?"

I was taken aback. What he was talking about was actually accurate. Only 2 A.M. Sadie was this way, why was 2 P.M. Sadie the same way? And why was I this harsh to Chad?

_Probably because he's keeping something from you._

Katrina was practically grinning and I internally cringed. Maybe she was right. After all, I hated it when people kept things from me like I wasn't worthy of the truth. Also I started to hate liars ever since Kai tricked me into thinking he loved me when I loved him with all my heart. But I was a hypocrite, I hate liars but I keep sprouting lies whenever I could. Wow, I'm such a pig.

"Sadie?" Chad frowned in my general direction before his eyes landed on the desk behind me. A desk occupied entirely by . A desk that caught Chad's attention and might be the end of my well-being.

I snapped out of it. "Sorry, hi. What?"

Chad was standing. And I was panicking. How was I going to lead him away from the desk? From the room? Suddenly, I got an idea. He wants to be protective? Let's see him chase after me.

"I'm just, uh, yeah."

I held my breath and hopped out of bed, dashing straight out the room as soon as my feet hit the ground.

"Sad- hey! Get back here!"

And he was chasing after me, just like I needed.

I was running/limping my way past the front doors, when they burst open. I jumped back in surprise, and Chad nearly toppled over me. He put his hands on my shoulders to steady me as I caught my breath. Looking at the entry way, I was face to face with Kade.

He frowned at Chad's hands on my shoulders and Chad was quick to take them off. When Kade nodded in approval afterward, he grinned at me with a trace of concern in his eyes.

"How're you?" He dropped his bag, along with a white cellophane filled with God knows what, next to the doorway.

I shrugged "I'm fine, a little winded but fine."

"That's good, because I've got to show you something." Kade gestured to his bag and I tilted my head.

"What is it?"

"You'll find out soon enough, and I've also got news. Your room, I'm guessing?"

Okay, hold up. Two guys and one girl in the same room? That's just something I can't agree to and with the letters still on my desk in plain sight, it gave me more reason not head back up there.

"Yeah, not gonna happen. How 'bout the living room?"

Chad shot me a curious and suspicious glance but followed after me as I led them to the living room. Whatever Kade has in the bag and whatever he has to say, it better be good.


	18. Chapter 18

[ _s h e  n e e d s  a  t i m e  o u t_ ]

• • •

**S A D I E**

I curled my legs closer to my body, resting my chin on my knees, and blinking at how unfocused my eyes are. Kade sat next to me on my right and Chad sat on the one seated sofa on my left, the former grinning and the latter looking at me in worry. I wasn't going to explode people, not today anyways.

Now that I think about it, I've been getting better. My attacks are coming less and less and I'm not thinking of dark things 24/7, with the occasional chat with Katrina I'm practically okay. Not to mention did I have such amazing friends to help me through my episodes. Well, at least I hope they're my friends. Did they think of me as a friend as well? Or a charity case?

Okay, time to shut up.

"Amelia's gonna be here with Bella in a jiffy, so make yourselves comfortable." Kade leaned back on the couch, stretching his arm past my shoulder. Chad frowned at the arm but said nothing.

"What's in the bag?" I leaned forward, away from Kade's outstretched arm, to grab the plastic bag. But Kade snatched it away before I could take a peek.

"In a while, I promise."

"Who were those guys anyway?" Chad had his legs over the arms of the sofa and his shoulders against the other arm. He was tossing a red rubber ball in the air, something he got from who knows where.

"Who?" I asked, gaining confusion and ignorance, as if the past hour didn't happen.

"Those guys that we're chasing you. I mean, I know they're One Direction, everybody in Britain knows them, but who we're they to _you_?" He explained, pausing from his little game to look me in the eye.

"Um - those we're - I'd rather - can't I just...?" I sighed, my shoulders dropping with exhaustion. I've been through so much already, can't I just take a break? "I can't tell you."

"Does it have someth-"

That's when the doorbell rang a second time today. I smirked slightly in triumph and Chad looked mildly annoyed.

"I'll get it." Kade stood up, brushing away the imaginary dust from his pants. I buried my chin a little bit deeper between my knees and basked in the awkward silence.

"So, Sadie? What were those letters on your desk?" Chad cleared his throat, sitting straighter in his seat.

I froze, my fingers stopping in mid air where I was tapping against the couch. "Letters? What letters?"

I chuckled nervously, in an attempt to sway him to forget about the letters.

"I saw those letters, Sads, and I was wondering what they were." Chad narrowed his eyes. That's when I scowled at him.

"None of your business." I hissed, just as Kade was entering the room with Amelia and Bella in tow. Chad raised his eyebrows and loosened up, leaning back into his seat.

"Alright, Sads, open the bag." Kade jerked his chin towards the said object as Amelia went and sat next to me then Bella on the opposite side of the couch. Not good.

I leaned forward and lifted the bag onto my lap. The bottom felt warm and with every little movement I made, a sweet aroma made its way to my nose. I raised an eyebrow at Kade and he made a ' _go on_ ' gesture from where he stood next to Bella.

It turned out to be Nandos takeout and I couldn't help but sent a grin Kade's way. He smiled back.

"To make up for your lack of lunch."

"Thanks, Kade, you're such a sweetheart."

"At your service,"

• • •

"Who are you to Louis and what are you to him?"

Bella had cornered me on my way back to the living room from the bathroom. She had me pressed against the wall and was pointing one perfectly manicured finger at my face.

"Um - he - uh - I -" I stared at her, my finger nervously tapping against the wall behind me.

This was the sort of propaganda that I really wanted to avoid, but of course, nothing ever really went my way for who knows why. I'm a good person. I donate to charity, I pray every night, what's wrong with me?

"I just, um, bumped into him the other day and I don't know." I stuttered, eyes darting this way and that.

"All I'm hearing are pathetic alibis that aren't getting you places. Bumping into each other doesn't lead to being chased all throughout Doncaster, accompanied by his four best friend, who I doubt you " _bumped into"_ as well. All I want to know, Sadie, is _why_."

I swallowed down the bile that desperately tried to make an appearance.

_You see, Sadie? These people don't trust you. They're using you, but what for?_

I don't know.

"I didn't-"

"Right now, whatever's coming out of your mouth are all lies. So I'm going to find out what it is, I don't need you to tell me, because I _will_ find out." She poked my shoulder with every ' _I_ ' and I held back a whimper, along with the tears threatening to spill.

Then she walked out.

I knew I had my doubts about her, and I knew I was intimidated by her, all the more when I saw her on TV with Louis Tomlinson, but I didn't expect her to be the villain of my story. I was honestly expecting Kai to make a comeback and ruin me for good. Not _her_. Not my _friend_.

Fucking hell, I'm screwed.

So screwed.

Shut it.

I can't let any of them know my involvement with Louis, I just can't. They're going to hurt me, use me, and screw me over so badly I'll never be able to recover again. And I just picked myself up, or I was starting to do so at least. I didn't want a repeat of high school. I didn't want a repeat of my first year of college. And I didn't want a repeat if my relationship with Kai.

And that meant I couldn't fall in love or develop a crush or any kind feelings for a guy or that would be the end of my existence. At least that's how dramatic it was in my head.

So no Louis or Kade for me. Not even a taste. But I had a feeling I'd end up breaking my own rules in the end, which totally eliminates the chance of being a Slytherin. I figured I would be a Hufflepuff, maybe a Ravenclaw. Not Gryffindor, those chivalrous lions are so daring they'd give me a heart attack.

Alright, now that I managed to make myself feel better with Harry Potter; time to face the music.

• • •

I ended up kicking them out.

Nicely of course.

I walked in the room, free of tears, and told them that my parents were coming back in an hour and I needed to get this place spotless, and I couldn't do that with them around. So I bid them goodbye and slammed the door, avoiding Bella's pointed glare that bore holes in my face.

None seemed to remind me about the fact that I had fifty maids waiting on my call to do whatever I needed them to do. Or the fact that the fridge had a big ass white board with **WILL BE BACK 10PM** scribbled on it. It was still six.

But I was glad to have them out. Out if sight, out if mind. And I needed a little time out. That's one to many ' _outs'_. But who's counting?

To the pool it is then.


	19. Chapter 19

[  _s h e  s_ _n e a k s  i n_ ]

• • •

** B E L L A **

I told her I'd find out, with or without her help, and I am hell bent on keeping that promise.

So I devised a plan.

After Sadie had sent us away, the boys and Amelia shared confused looks but decided to do so, although Chad and Kade seemed quite hesitant. I wondered if something was going on between those two and Sadie and what was it. But that little quest isn't the one I'm on right now, and I needed to focus.

Alright, what do I do? Where do I start? How do I sneak in?

Before Sadie shooed us off, I had walked into the kitchen for a glass of water and the only cold pitcher was in the fridge. Apparently their dispenser was empty. So when I went to open the door of the fridge, I couldn't help but notice the huge ass white board that stated that Mr. and Mrs. Darren would be home by ten; it was still six when Sadie said they'd be home by the next hour.

Either she didn't know how to tell time, or she was lying.

They latter was more believable, after all; Sadie wasn't as stupid as she looks. She could be pretty intelligent when she puts her head into it. And Sadie, over the month since I first met her, was becoming a great liar. But she still had her tells.

Like how Amelia nervously laughs after she says the sentence after her lie. Or how Chad would scruff his shoe against the floor while telling the lie. Or how Kade would raise an eyebrow and shove his hands in his pockets after a lie. Just like how Sadie's smile would twitch as she tells her lie.

I paced around in my room, nibbling on a pencil as I wrote down despicable plans on getting in Sadie's room, doing a search, grabbing whatever might deem suspicious or helpful, and get out.

I had seen the side of Sadie's house where the window to her room is, and there was a tree with a branch that extended high enough to reach the sill. I could climb pretty well, seeing that I used to take rock climbing classes when I was in elementary. And I was a pretty stealthy person, what with my slim and light figure I could easily creep along creaky spots.

With that being said, the plan was practically finished. Now to act upon it.

  • • •  

I waited until eleven at night, an hour after Sadie's parents arrive and two hours after she fell asleep. How I knew when she slept? Because I was already positioned on the tree branch nearest Sadie's window, dressed in all black and ready for action.

Although I did wonder why Sadie slept so early, usually she slept around twelve or so. She told us herself when she arrived at school late one day. She was probably just stressed about today's events, I don't blame her. Whatever she's going through must be tiring. I wonder how she manages to keep going.

As much as I'm suspicious and slightly envious - I mean Sadie was chased across Doncaster by One Direction, who wouldn't be? - I respected the lass. She had a strong heart.

The front door just slammed closed, waking me from my daze and notifying me off the Darren's arrival. I tugged my beanie lower on my head to cover my ears from the December chill and crawled the rest of the way up the branch.

I glanced up at Sadie's window to see a light emit from the door way, which was right in front of the window, and I quickly ducked. I heard Sadie's parents whispering and taking turns on kissing Sadie goodnight before the door clicked shut once more.

I sighed in relief.

I waited a couple more minutes, practically hugging the tree for dear life, before making a move. I reached out and gripped at the windowsill, using it as a support to help me crawl closer. Then I lifted the window, momentarily letting myself be shocked that she didn't bother locking it.

I rolled my eyes at her naive-ness, and climbed in, trying to avoid noise as much as possible. Her room was pretty enough, but I wasn't here to admire the view. I scanned the room, looking for a sign of any sort that would explain her involvement with Louis, _my_ Louis. And I was going to destroy that sign.

Sadie's body rolled over, facing me, and I froze mid-tiptoe. She mumbled something in her sleep, something close to _Louis_ , and that was enough to fuel my determination. I scrunched my brows and did a quick scan of the room, not to admire the decor but to try and notice insignificant things that would actually mean something in the end.

I opened drawers as noiselessly as I could, lifted the rug with my toe, checked the trunk at the end of the bed and found nothing but piles of rejected story lines and plots, dust, and shoes. Nothing that could be of interest to me. Or to her and Louis' relationship.

That's when I caught sight of a white bundle hidden slightly behind a wooden box.

My head snapped to the left and I surveyed the bundle of letters, frowning. No one sent letters in this century, at least no one I knew. So that was the grande scheme of things. Sadie hid something in plain sight, probably in spite of me. She most likely had a suspicion that I'd do this; creep into her room and wreck her already wrecked life. And as much as I respected her fear, it was still dumb of her to hide something _right there_. At least she tried.

I walked towards the desk, just as the floorboards gave this huge ass creak, threatening to give me away. I froze, watching Sadie's sleeping figure roll over and sit up. I nearly let out a squeak before common sense grabbed a hold of me. I dropped to my knees, thanking God that the headboard was tall enough to hide my body on its knees.

"Who's..." Sadie yawned, I silently swore. "there?"

I bit my lip to keep from groaning. My knees had started to ache and I tried not to move any limbs in fear of the floorboards squeaking again. To my left was the desk, I glared at it. It was so close, yet so far. To my right was the underneath of the bed, where I had a clear view of Sadie's feet dangling an inch or two above the ground.

Just as I watched her feet eliminate those inches, I rolled under the bed, ignoring my body's way of telling me to _get out of there_ , which was this weird scratching feeling that came from inside my skin rather than out. I ignored the way I felt so trapped, the way I forced my breathing to go quiet when I knew it was this close to heavy breathing. In a nutshell, I was claustrophobic.

Sadie's feet softly padded towards her connecting bathroom and I nodded in approval. Damn, even I didn't have that. But she did not need to know that. No one needed to know that I was really struggling, especially after my family decided that I wasn't enough and disowned me.  That the house Louis dropped me off at wasn't mine or my family's, but a boarding house, where I only owned one room and had to share the bathroom with 15 other people on my floor. That I was on my own.

So yes, maybe I was envious of Sadie. She had everything; the money, the parents; maids to answer to her every beck and call. And how did she cherish these? By being depressed and bulimic and downright ungrateful. I knew that I didn't know what went on in her life, but whatever it was, she could get over it. She was nearly twenty for Pete's sake! So excuse me if I didn't like her or that I didn't like hanging out with her.

Now she was stealing my man. And I wasn't going to allow that.

The toilet flushed and Sadie's feet walked back towards the bed, before stopping at the foot of it. Right in front of my face. Sweat started beading down my forehead and I frowned in confusion, the room was air conditioned. Why was I sweating like crazy?

Just as I thought Sadie would crouch down and see me, her feet left my sight and the bed shook as she laid back down to sleep. My hands were shaking as I was all the more made aware of the small space I was underneath, and I counted to fifteen before rolling out.

I stood up, fluffing my hair to get rid of any dust that might've caught, but who was I kidding, Sadie's room was spotless. I watched Sadie as she slept, completely comfortable and safe, not having to worry about the sounds that would erupt from the room next door due to paper thin walls, or the fear that maybe someone would barge into her room drunk and fall asleep next to her because all the doorknobs were practically the same.

I edged closer to the desk, watching Sadie still, and grabbed the bundle of letters without looking behind me to see if I got everything. I glanced behind me - Sadie shifted and I cursed myself for being so foolishly scared - and saw that I grabbed every one of those damn letters.

I smirked triumphantly to myself.

"What are you doing?"

I grew cold all over, effectively dropping the letters. I spun around, facing Sadie sitting figure, who was rubbing her eyes sleepily. I felt my tongue tie itself in knots and I swallowed down my fear, forming a plan B in my head despite the situation.

"Shh, Sadie, you're... dreaming, yeah that's it, love." I used my best soothing voice, delicately picking up the fallen letters with slow movements so that I wouldn't give Sadie a reason to truly wake up.

"Dreaming?" Sadie yawned, and if I was softhearted I would totally go ' _aww_ '. She looks so much less stressed half asleep, so much more calm than when she was awake. But my heart hardened before I could let that thought fully digest.

"Yes, dear, this is all a dream. Go back to bed, sweetie." I cringed at how motherly I sounded and how the situation was _so fucking weird_. Fortunately, Sadie fell back onto her pillows, letting out one last yawn - seriously how much sleep was she getting if she yawned so much? - before uttering words that made me want to choke her.

"Okay, Lou."

Lou? _Lou_? Louis didn't allow me to ever call him Lou, when I asked why he just said that it was personal. Was it because the name was reserved for this bitch? Now all of my tenderness flew out the window, and if Sadie were to wake once more I wouldn't hesitate to slap her with these letters.

I gritted my teeth as I wove around her bed and shimmied out the window, grabbing a branch before I could fall. When I was back into the position I was in before I crawled into her window, I reach and tried to shut it as silently as I could. As much as I didn't like Sadie, I was that evil to take her sleep away from her, that and the fear of any of the guards hearing could come and easily arrest me.

I climbed down the tree, harder this time since on hand gripped the letters leaving only one hand to grab onto anything to ensure my life. Once my feet landed safely on the soil, I looked back at the dark window I just escaped and let out a breath.

Part one of plan A complete.


	20. Chapter 20

[ _s h e  f r e a k s  o u t_  ]

• • •

**S A D I E**

"Where is it?" I was practically turning my entire room upside down. Due to the ruckus, about half of the Darren's help rushed to my aid. But I refused to let anyone of them near my stuff, not after losing something very, very precious to me.

" _Where is it_? Mia? Did you move anything while you were cleaning?"

My parents had escaped to their jobs in the country, but since they differed in occupations, mum had a business trip to go to for the next two weeks and will be back before Christmas, and dad will be staying but will be frequently leaving for who knows where. So for the time being, I was alone with my maids in this big ass house with nothing to do but count the cracks in the ceiling.

Winter break was only beginning and the way I was spending day one was blowing apart every single dust bunny, opening every single cabinet and rummaging through every closet. Basically just wrecking my entire room because _no way_ could Louis's letters to me go any farther than into my maid's hands when giving them over to me to read.

 _So where the hell could they be_?

I pressed my palms to my forehead, blowing out a long breath of air. Mia and Helena, the head maid and the maid that cleans my room, stood by my doorway, sharing confused expressions as I had a mini meltdown. I could tell from their genuine confusion that they hadn't touched or moved anything unless it was to clean it and I managed to slowly cool down.

I looked around the room, glaring at particular objects that looked the slightest bit suspicious and tearing up a little when I saw my bed a couple meters from where it originally lay. That just meant I had searched every nook and cranny, every floor and corner, and every shelf and drawer and still came up empty handed. I had searched my entire room but I hadn't searched the entire house.

My features hardened as I realized what I was about to do. If I was going to search the manor, I knew exactly where to start.

There was only one person that could've taken away my lifesaver. And I plan on taking them back, be it forcefully or otherwise.

**• • •**

My father's office was a mess. A proper disaster was what I liked to call it.

Folders piled high were strewn here and there, markers of every color could be found in the strangest of places, and don't get me started on his desk. I don't even know where it is, probably behind the ten foot wall of files. But since I was my father's daughter, I just clicked my tongue, rolled up my metaphorical sleeves, and began to dig in.

Of course I didn't start cleaning or arranging anything, dad'll obviously notice since he likes his office being exactly the way he left it because only he knows where anything is. Kinda like me. And that's exactly what made it difficult.

Dad knows where he hid my letters, I don't.

I grumbled as I opened one of his file cabinets, squinting the entire way through. My glasses, unbelievably, were still in repair. I didn't want to rush the shop any more than I needed to, knowing they probably had better things to fix so I didn't bother checking up. Meaning for the past week I had to stumble around in God-forsaken contacts. I mean, yeah sure they were lighter than my glasses and they still help me see, but they can be so damn irritating and _itchy_ I wanted to tear out my eyeballs.

Soon I was sorting through the files on dad's desk, covered in a thin sheet of sweat and panting somewhat heavily. An hour had probably gone by but I wouldn't rest until. I. got. those. letters. back.

Just as I was replacing the files back where I found them first an odd looking file caught my eye.

I snapped my head to the left and squinted at the odd envelope. It was made from manila paper and sat innocently that the foot of my father's desk, surrounded by other envelopes made out of entirely different material. This envelope was the only one made of manila paper that I found so far.

I frowned and plopped down on the floor, sitting crisscross. I picked up the envelope and examined it, fanning it to see the opposite covers.

_TO: MR. DARREN_   
_FR.: SADIE DARREN'S WATCHER_

At the mention of my name I knew this involved me at the same time that it didn't. It was _about_ me, not necessarily _for_ me. That was all it took for the top to go ripping off. If they were prepared to speak of me without my consent, they would be prepared for when I found out.

Inside was a contract-thick bundle of papers that I grumbled at before pulling out. I scanned the first page, until a particular paragraph stuck out that caught my attention.

_And therefore I shall always protect her, be her friend and her crying shoulder whenever she needs it. I shall always be there for her and listen to her for whenever she's down and steer her away from bad influences. I believe that Sadie does not deserve this cruelty and therefore shall protect her from it at all costs. More so, I shall protect her from any kind of threat that would suspiciously seem like it is out for her life, like it is trying to use her, like it is trying to get close to her merely for the family connections, or like it is out for her vengefully(kidnapping, ransom, rape, etc.)_

I skipped to the last page, fuming and completely fed up with my father's way of trying to protect me. Or even worse, my father's way of trying to get me friends. Now all I needed to know was who he hired to "be there for me". I was so close to crumpling the stupid contract and burn it at the stake.

_Signed, Chad McFields._

What the _fuck_. Chad? Of all people, Chad? _He_ was the one my father paid to fucking _protect_ me? Tears slowly blurred my eyesight. I was expecting Amelia or, more likely, Kade. But Chad, Chad I was disappointed in.

I did trust him. I did. But knowing the friendship we had, the times he would ask me how I was, how everything was going, was _fake_. It was just disappointing.

My heart felt so heavy that as I sobbed, I let out a wrenching scream and heard different pairs of feet scramble towards the office doors. But one pair, one that was heavier than all the rest, came to a stop at the door and he ordered all the help away.

The door to my father's office creaked open and I grit my teeth to avoid from raking my nails down his face. I slowly silenced my sob and still felt a heaviness deep within my chest.

I was betrayed and lied to. How could they?

"Sadie?" He spoke softly and I felt myself inch away from him. He sighed softly, closing the door with a soft click. He took a step near me and I hissed.

"Get the fuck away from me Chad, you deceiving asshole."

"Wha-" He probably caught sight of an oh so familiar contract in my hands and stopped himself. "Oh,"

" _Oh_? You signed to protect me and care for me under a contract, no feelings attached and all you can say for yourself is _oh_?" I looked up at him, glaring with every bit of me and he lowered his own stare.

"I thought that night at the playground was a time for our friendship to strengthen, now I know you only did it because you were obliged to. How else would you have known so fast I was out of the house?" I laughed dryly to myself, shaking my head. I crumpled the contract.

"Get out." I spoke in a calm tone, completely fed up with this.

"Sadie, I-" Chad tried wiggle his way back into my heart but I kept him out.

"I said get _out_! Didn't you hear me? _Get out_!" I screamed, running out if patience. At this point, if patience was a section in my heart it would be empty.

Tears flooded my eyes and I had to duck to avoid Chad from seeing me cry. I heard the door open, a hesitant sigh, then the door clicking shut. I shakily breathed in.

How did Chad even get in? Dad must've given him a spare key or convinced to let Chad in whenever he pleased. Even though dad's intentions were to keep me safe, I've never felt more vulnerable.

  • • •  

I kept myself locked in my room the entire day, lying on my bed in nothing but sweats and a bra. I read a couple books, checked my Twitter and my Tumblr, listened to One Direction to give me a sense of relief, but it didn't. They didn't. _He_ didn't. I felt a hole in my chest, growing larger and larger with every betrayal towards me.

I turned my body towards my desk, sitting up and moving to pick up the bundle of letters from louis to read a couple of his words to give a little light in my life. But then I remembered they were gone and I fell back. A couple tears escaped my eyes as I thought of the man I only truly cared about and him being away from me, farther than ever, and him being with another girl that practically didn't give two shits about me.

I was slowly falling asleep when a knock jolted me awake. I rubbed my eyes and uttered a weak _come in_. I buried my head deeper under my pillows, letting out a groan because my body felt so heavy and I was so unhappy right now.

"Sadie?" I thought I heard Chad's voice and quickly twisted around, ready to banish him away from my quarters. But I only saw Kade and Amelia, both who were smiling sadly at me.

"We heard," Amelia spoke, her tone calm and her eyes glued to my own. When I glanced at Kade and saw him fighting to keep his eyes locked on my face, since his eyes kept dropping, I remembered I was shirtless.

I sighed and pulled the covers from where they were situated under my armpits higher up my body, to my shoulders. I tried to do it nonchalantly when in fact my heart was thudding because Kade almost saw me in my underwear.

"Chad only agreed because he did care for you and that he wanted you safe." Kade spoke up, this time managing to really keep his eyes on my face.

"He could've done so without a contract, he could've turned it down and protected me by his own means. He could've told me. But he didn't and I don't know why I should forgive him." I explained. Kade and Amelia shared a look and I could they were communicating.

"I'm thirsty, I'll go get something to drink for all of us, yeah?" Amelia smiled at me, glancing at Kade once more and Kade's shoulders sagged with relief.

Once Amelia closed the door behind her, Kade came and sat next to me on the bed. He bent to remove his shoes and I couldn't help but admire his back muscles as he did so. I scooted a little to give him space and he came to rest against the headboard, his hands folded on his lap.

"You know, you don't have to be so afraid of being lied to." Kade's voice was above a whisper, like if he spoke any louder the entire world would listen in. It sent a shiver down my spine. "Just as long as you have someone next to you whose truthful."

"Are you referring to yourself then? Being next to me and all." I let out a breathy laugh, letting it fade in the quiet room. Kade hummed a little and turned to me.

"I might be," He grinned a toothy grin, his gaze flickering downwards before settling on my eyes and leaned towards me.

I froze, my stare stuck on his lips, which were open a tad bit and looking really, really fluffy. He probably thought me being motionless was a sign of encouragement because the next thing I know his lips were on mine and I was staring wide eyed at Kade's closed eyelids.

Kade's hand reached up and cupped my cheek softly, although our lips were frozen against one another, scared if one of us made a move the other would pull away. Soon, I found myself succumbing to the touch and my own eyes blinked shut. After a moment, it turned out it was me who made the first move, who tilted their head to the side so our noses wouldn't be squished together, who moved their lips so that there would be a little bit of action going on.

My arms wrapped around his neck, playing with the hairs at the nape and both of Kade's hands took ahold of my face to deepen the kiss. I felt Kade's tongue poke lightly against my bottom lip, but before I could do anything we found ourselves jumping apart when the door flew open.

"Sorry, it took me a- _oh_ ," Amelia held a tray in her hands, three empty glasses and a pitcher full of water sitting on the thing. I covered my reddening face with my hands when I still felt one of Kade's arms around my waist.


	21. Chapter 21

[ _h e  r e t u r n s_  ]

• • •

** S A D I E **

"Okay, Kade. I'll... call you later 'kay?" I smiled, biting my lip subconsciously, ending the call. I gripped my phone with one hand, the handles of my front doors in the other. I clutched the phone to my chest for a moment, tilting my head back and thanking the Big Guy Upstairs for this chance. Then I collected myself, shaking my shoulders and ruffling my hair, before twisting the knob of the door.

"Mia! I'm home!" I called out to the house, walking into the living room and dropping my bag onto the sofa. I collapsed immediately on the one seater, throwing my legs across the armchair. A chorus of greetings echoed throughout the household, which was expected.

What was not expected was my mother walking through the foyer and into the living room, her iPad in one hand, a cup of something in the other. She took a sip just as I quickly fixed my posture, dropping my feet to touch the ground.

"Oh, no. Don't stop on my account." My mum said, not even looking up from her ever so earnest reading. "But, welcome home, darling."

She looked up and smiled at me, and for the first time I felt as though she truly cared for my presence. I grinned back, running a hand through my hair. Mum looked back down at her iPad.

"So, you seem to be in a good mood today," She stated, giving me another glance. I smiled even wider, if it was possible.

"No reason, just had a good day." I picked myself off the couch and grabbed the handles of my bag. "I'm heading to my room, 'kay mum?"

With a flutter of her hand to send me away with her approval, I nodded and walked towards my bedroom. There, I belly-flopped onto my bed and let my hair splay all over the covers. Beneath the pillows was a gigantic smile fighting its way through my facial muscles where it eventually one and I was left breathless.

Earlier this afternoon, I'd been asked on my first date. Unlike those with Kai, where we'd stroll through the park and, if I was lucky, maybe grab a hot dog. Kade took me on actual dates to actual restaurants and made me feel great, made the butterflies in my stomach flutter with every brush, every touch, every glance, and every smile we'd share.

It was magnificent and I never thought I'd get lucky enough to experience such a thing. I'd trade anything for another date with Kade, but I guess that would have to wait; I had a letter to write.

**• • •**

"Miss Sadie?" A maid knocked on my door, causing me to abruptly lift my head from my desk, where I appeared to have taken an impromptu nap whilst writing a letter to Louis. Momentarily, the letter stuck to my face but soon fell back onto the desk while I rubbed my cheeks.

I cleared my throat and faced the maid. "Yes?"

I wasn't sure which maid this one was, but I'm sure I've seen her around the gardens once or twice. I'll have to ask.

"There's someone waiting for you at the door, also your mother went for a walk. She wanted me to inform you as soon as you woke from your nap, but some-" The maid started the ramble, which is something I usually don't mind, but since I just got up from my nap; I tend to be a little cranky.

"Yes, yes, alright. I'll see to it, thank you." I rubbed my temples, where a headache seemed to be forming. Probably from the whole laying down on the desk thing. Not good for the head I'll presume.

I waited as soon as the maid left to stretch, just to keep appearances and common courtesy I guess. I scavenged for my robe and shrugged it on, tying the belt around my waist. I left the room, yawning as I closed the door. Man, I gotta get some better sleep next time.

I blinked every time I walked down a step, my hand immediately flitting towards the handrail with every mini stumble. I made it safely to the front door, thankfully, only to be met with a pair of eyes I never wanted to see. Not now anyways.

I sobered up, shaking my head as if to ward out the sleepiness. "What are you doing here, Chad?"

There was a certain desperation in his eyes, ones I couldn't quite decipher the source of. No doubt the shortage of money he's had as soon as I wanted him fired and gone from my life. Wonder how that's going for him. Actually no, not really.

"Sadie, you've got to get out of here." He pleaded, glancing behind his shoulder every two words. "As fast as you can, if you don't want your life rip apart."

I frowned at him, gripping the edges of the doorway as the panic seeped from his voice and into his eyes. "Okay, Chad, I don't follow. What's wrong? What could possibly be so bad that would make me wanna flee?"

Chad groaned, running a stressed hand through his already messy hair. "Look, when I took the job your father offered me, I had to discover a lot about you in the span of, I don't know, two days...? And trust me, something of your past is going to come for you in the next hour, Sadie, if you don't _get out of here._ "

As if on cue, a taxi made it's way around the fountain, pulling it's breaks just in front of my front doors. Chad's panicked looked shifted to downright frightened. Not for himself, but for _me_.

What could possibly be so bad about my past that had Chad so frightened like this?

Oh. _Oh_. Oh _no_.

"Oh... no," I voiced my thoughts as soon as the taxi's back door opened and out came a man dressed clad in black. At first I didn't identify him; his shoulders were broadened, his hair was longer, his arms sure got buffer since the last time I saw him. Which was quite a while ago, might I add. Also there were shades on his face and a beanie on his head. The same ones he swore _never_ to be caught dead in.

The hypocrite.

It was Chad's turn this time to grip the door frame as if to shield me from what's to come. His eyes were closed and a defeated slash agitated look was on his face. And just as he was gritting his teeth, the man came up to us, tapping Chad on the shoulder and speaking in a gruffer-than-I-last-remember voice. One that had the hairs at the back of my neck shoot straight up in warning.

_Speak of the devil and he shall appear. Right, Sadie?_

Oh shut up, Katrina.

"Excuse me," He spoke to Chad, as if he were just the scum at the bottom of his shoe. Okay, maybe not. Maybe he sounded polite, and a little confused as to why Chad stood there like that. But for years, I'd maintained this image of him, no way in hell am I now giving it up just because of the way he said "excuse me".

Chad's eyes rolled as he opened them, shooting me a pleading look that spoke loud and clear; _run now, Sadie, if you value your life in the smallest of quantities._ Chad moved out of the way, his gaze never once leaving mine and making sure to stay close enough to jump in if the guy ever attempted anything but far enough that the guy wouldn't feel threatened.

"Hello..." I swallowed back a scream as I spoke his name after so many years. "Kai."


End file.
